WE WUZ ROBBED

This is the look that I got this morning when I said:

Me: I think someone got into our vehicles last night. The door on the truck was wide open this morning.

Wife: Right, you were the one to get into the vehicles and no one else. Getting forgetful, Bob?

Well, I thought, maybe Wifey is right. Maybe I am getting forgetful.

Later this morning while I'm outside gardening:

Wifey: I have to talk to you. Someone got into my car. The little purse with change in it is gone, the center console open. Yup, someone was in the garage last night.

Wifey should learn to listen to Old Bob. Nine out of ten times I'm right. After all these years you'd think that she would know that!

Guess what? I heard those bastards this morning at 5:30 having opened the garage doors (truck door very closed) and sitting at this computer there was a thud (like a car door closing). I thought it was one of the dogs doing some thumping deal while they scratched themselves. YOW! These guys were in our garage going through both vehicles and I wasn't the wiser.

These guys went up one side of the street and down the other breaking into vehicles. A laptop was stolen. A car window smashed and an Ipod taken. Fifteen break-ins all told. Apart from what was taken from the wife's car nothing else is missing out the truck or anywhere else in the garage. Things like this don't happen in our neighborhood. Guess they do now.

On the subject but kind of off the subject:

One of our boys wants to borrow money. When this kid wants money he asks mom knowing what Old Bob would say.

Wife: Got to call the kid up today and tell him no go on the money. He's always crabbing about his piss poor life think I'll give him a dose of what happened today. Poor us - we wuz robbed of a whole buck six eighty.

Me: Yeah, and while you're at tell the kid that the robbers grabbed Bob, threw him face down on the floor and had their way with him.

Wifey: Why do you have to say things like that? That's so terrible to even think about let alone say it. They only talk like that in prison.

Me: Well, guess if I ever go to jail I'll be ready for anything.

If I would have caught those farts in my garage this morning Old Bob would have had his way with each and every one of them . . . and not that way . . . in the knock 'em, sock 'em, shoot 'em up and assume the position, you clowns kind of way.

Damn. Did I ever miss an opportunity!