Friday, December 30, 2011

Party Like It's 1979!

We headed for a New Year's Eve party where the theme will be Soul Train --- It's A Disco Party.  Dress appropriately, the invitation says.

Cripes, I'm thinking we'll be dancing like this:

Time to dig out the bellbottoms, the 'Fro wig, the tight sweater (gotta bound up the moobs first), and high heeled sneakers.

For those of you didn't experience the 70's, it was one hell of a good time.
Winner Winner

Wednesday evening was Winner, Winner, Anniversary Dinner!  Yes, another year of maritial bliss for me and Wifey.  Well, most of the time it's like that. ... name one marriage that's perfect. .. can ya, can ya can ya?

Dawn and Keith dined with us at our favorite Italian place.

We've known the restaurant owner for quite some time.  Knowing that we were celebrating an anniversary, our owner friend ordered up a dessert gift of cherries jubilee.

Step one:  heat up the cherries.

Step two:  Add some sort of hooch.

Then the damn thing goes up in flames.  Freaks me out.  I crawl under the table yelling, FIRE IN THE HOLE!  FIRE IN THE HOLE!   DUCK AND COVER!!!!  DUCK AND COVER!!!! 

I calm down, crawl out from under the table and find a dish of ice cream and cherries waiting for me.   Yummmmeeeeee!

During dessert Wifey opens my gift of a pair of gold earrings and reads the wording on the accompanying card out loud.

The front of the card read:  "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!  You know, the secret to a happy marriage is how often you say those three little words."

Betcha can't guess what those three little words are.  No one at the table could.

Wifey opened the card and read this:  "Let's eat out."

And now you know the secret to maritial bliss . ...

Friday, December 23, 2011

'Tis The Season

This was the week for Gracie's school to put on their holiday performances for their parents.  This school year Grace joined the school's beginning band program with the trumpet as her choice of instruments.  I've never thought of our girl as being one to toot her own horn.

Damn thing is nearly as big as Grace. Beginning band students are given simple songs to learn like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. 

Grace's class also performed several choral pieces.  As you can tell, some kids get into belting out a tune while others don't.

Sign-ups for the school play are in January.  Looks like our girl is going to try out for a part.  Music and performing seem to be in her blood.  Wonder who she inherited that trait from?

Thursday, December 22, 2011

All In Your Head

What's printed above is especially true this time of year.  We're all thinking of holidays like the story book families on TV have.  Ozzie and Harriet.  The Waltons.  Beavis and Butthead (hahahaha).  You've seen them.  You know what I'm saying.

Time to wrap your head around what's best for your family and create your own traditions.  Break the mold.  Do your own thing. 

Instead of that family gathering where mass consumption, pig out/stuff your face until you puke holiday dinner, do this:

First thing, let the relatives do their own thing and take care of themselves.  Vow to leave the television off.  Then redefine, if for only one year, how you celebrate the holidays: 

Get out of the house.  Take a walk.  See a movie.  Feed the birds.  Hand out dollar bills to the homeless (from the money saved from putting on the fancy dinner).  Have a drink at a bar located on skid row (makes you count your blessings).  Pack a picnic basket and go for a long drive.  Have friends over for a holiday meal.  Play a few board games.  Walk in the woods or along the beach.  Do a nature study in photos.


Do I practice what I preach.  Amen, brother.  I do, I did, I will.   Yes, Wifey and I have done all of those things that are listed here (including getting a speeding ticket on Christmas Day while taking that long drive in the mountains).

Time to get that picture out of your head of the way things should be and reinvent your pattern of living.  Routine can be boring.  Even a speeding ticket on a holiday (cops have no mercy) can be exciting.

Ya think?

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Anniversary Song

Next Wednesday marks Wifey's wedding anniversary. .. yeah, and mine, too.  I've a surprise for her.  We'll be out to dinner. .. wining and dining and celebrating.  A person with a guitar will appear at our table right before dessert is served.  He'll start strumming and I'll sing this song:

Ain't that just about the most romantic anniversary song you ever did hear?  Huh, huh, huh?

Wifey is either going to love it or die of embarassment.  That's Muskrat love for ya.
Suicide By Fast Food

The way people scarf down fast food knowing well what it's doing to their bodies it makes one think they all have a major death wish.  You've heard of death by cop. ... someone who taunts law enforcement into shooting them as an act of quasi suicide.  Same deal with fast food junkies. .. . taunting Burger King, Wendy's, KFC and the like. ... thinking . .. Go ahead and kill me, man. ... I dare you.  See if your grunts will make me die. ...

That burger up there?  You just have to ask yourself how much is enough?  Double patty.  Double cheese.  Bacon.  Mayo.  Well over a thousand calories and many, many grams of fat and sodium.  Way more than just enough. Tasty?  Yeah.  But "tasty" could be had with a lot less of everything.  Hold the mayo, bacon, cheese, one patty instead of two, hold the fries and soft drink (water can and does quench thirst).  Bingo.  Still something tasty from a fast food joint but a lot less of what chokes the arteries and puts weight on.

Fast food places come up with the damnest things which really go against the grain of being healthy.  Take this number concocted by Denny's.  It's a bacon sundae with ice cream and maple syrup.  Yikes!  End a high fat/calorie/sodium meal with that and brother, you're way over your limit of daily intake.

Forget hitting Denny's and expect to order this one.  It's been taken off of their menu. 

Next time you think of scarfing down some fast food think first before ordering:  You are what you eat.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Paul Newman Is Hud

With Wifey out shopping Saturday night, it was Home Alone Bob's choice of dinner and a movie.  I just love date night with my little old self.

Round Table pizza (thin crust, pepperoni topping).

The 1963 Paul Newman film, Hud.  Probably the third or fourth time I've seen it, the most recent being five or more years ago.

In the film Newman has a line that rings true even today. 

"This country is run on epidemics, where you been? Price fixing, crooked TV shows, inflated expense accounts. How many honest men you know? Why you separate the saints from the sinners, you're lucky to wind up with Abraham Lincoln. Now I want out of this spread what I put into it, and I say let us dip our bread into some of that gravy while it is still hot."

Timeless.  Priceless.
If you subscribe to Netflix on Demand it can be yours tonight.  Better order your pizza ahead of time.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Tough To Say No

Wifey and Grace visited our friend and Pom breeder Trilvie yesterday.  The two partners in "crime" wanted to check out an 8 week old dog that Trilvie feels is show dog material.  What cutie!

On each visit Grace lays down on the floor with one of Trilvie's pups.  This is what always happens.  Lick, lick. .. giggle, giggle, lick, giggle, lick. ... and so on. 

It's tempting to bring another dog in the family which would make for a three dog night (if you remember what that is, you're an oldie but probably a goodie).  Three dogs makes for more dog food and an addition to an already expensive vet bill.  I'm happy but two but hells bells, who could refuse a cutie like this?

It was tough to say thank you but no thank you.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Global Warming Protest!

This just in:  Hundreds Gather To Protest Global Warming!

Remember the Cookie Monster on Sesame Street.  Get me around cookies to be baked or that are baked and it's COOOOOKEEEE! time for Bob.  Whether cooked or not, I'm into COOOOOKEEE!

Yesterday Wifey, Gracie and her step-sister Hanna whipped up a whole bunch of of COOOOKEEEES!

Grace's mom is out of town for several days so the girls spent the night making that the perfect time for COOOKEEEE! making.

The "ladies" must have made 3 or 4 dozen cookies or more.  Once out of the oven and cooled, the girls wrapped a half dozen or more into packages then set out to deliver each one to our neighbors. 

Hanna's proud of her works of COOOKEEE! art.

Wifey's thinking (and I know her well). .. .what the hell did I get myself into?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Christmas Music

I just love this time of the year.  Harmonizing is my bag.  Here's a sample of my singing.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Christmas Music

From me to you. . ..  Merry Christmas.  Let's all sing-a-long, please.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Knew Better

I knew better than to mess with perfection but oh, no, I just had to try another way of preparing stuffed peppers.  It was a recipe from Emeril Lagassy that caught my eye and had me thinking out of the stuff pepper box.

The end result was crap compared to what I've prepared for so many years . .. a recipe that goes way back in my family.  I'll stick with that.

At least this batch made for a pretty picture.

Friday, December 09, 2011

Free-Style Driving

Have you noticed that very few drivers obey the laws of the road and do their own thing?  This used to pee me off, watching drivers run stop signs and redlights, make abrupt lane changes without signaling, apply make-up, eat, text, pet their dog.  You know what I'm saying.

You've watched athletic events where there's a category for free-style.  Anything goes.  That's what driving in America or at least California has become. .. one big free-style event.  I should start carrying those Olympic rating signs.  You know the ones.  Like they're numbered 5.0, 5.5, 8.0. .. all the way from 1 to 10. 

When some clown pulls a free-style thing I'll rate the dude, pull up one of those signs, start honking the horn and hang it out the window.  Why not put a little fun into something that irritates the hell out of you and I (you do following the rules of driving, don't you?). 

There should be warnings on cars where their drivers always put on make-up, eat, and what have you.  We need to be warned, don't you think?  Those are drivers to steer clear of.  Like:  Caution - Driver Chugging Beer!  Or, Lookout!  Driver Throws Chicken Bones Out The Window!!

There's a lot to be said about multi-tasking in the world we live in today.  But do we have multi-task while on the road and endanger other drivers?

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

What's Right With This Picture?

Have you ever seen a photo in a magazine or newspaper that asks, "What's Wrong With This Picture"?  Here I'm asking, What's Right With This Picture? So, what is right?

Give up? Do ya, do ya, do ya?

Right thing #1:  I'm wearing my wedding ring.  Yes, that's the ring Wifey put through my nose when we married.  Wifey had to tame Wild Thing Bob somehow and this was actually the first right step in that direction.

Right thing #2:  Buy one get one free.  There was a restaurant in town which gave away one meal with a paid meal if you wore your through the nose wedding ring.  Got a lot of free meals.

Right thing #3:  Right you are:  This is a school picture.  It was taken during my brief tenure as a public school teacher.

Right thing #4:  Yes, my students loved my wedding ring and yes, the photo appeared in the yearbook.  Since I was the dare-devil darling of the school and community, I could do no wrong and got away with just about anything.  Besides, who ever got into trouble for wearing their wedding ring.  Usually it's the other way around. . . getting in trouble for NOT wearing that ring.  I did have to convince the school photographer that it was okay to wear that thing for a photo. 

Right thing #5:  Putting this photo on my blog.  Don't ya just love it?

Monday, December 05, 2011

You Left Your Heart Where?

Long ago crooner Tony Bennett claimed that he had left his heart in San Francisco.  At 85 years of age, old Tony is going strong and singing that tune.

Apparently Tony has taken on the brush as a second career.  Painting Lady Gaga is one of his latest "works of art".  Hells bells, butt naked painting . . . . it's one way to get a young lady to take her clothes off. . .. and at 85, why else would anyone disrobe for old Tony.  At best, Tony Bennett can muster a "heart-on", some brush strokes, a few tunes and not much more.

Maybe the lyrics to that old song could be revised to, "I left my heart-on, with Lady Gaga. . ... "

Ya think?

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Sleeping Beauty

We stopped in Weed on our way home from the Oregon coast.  It was time for a splash of diesel and lunch.  When I stepped out of the truck I could not help but pause to admire the beauty of Mt. Shasta . .. the sleeping beauty of Northern California.  Why a sleeping beauty?  While not an active volcano, one never knows what surprises Mother Nature has in store for us.  Yes, Mt. Shasta sleeps but one day . . .

Yeah, there's a place called Weed, California, just off I-5.  Nice little town.  Small, just under 3,000 residents.  T-shirts with phrases about the place sell like hotcakes.

The town of Weed gets its name from the founder of the local lumber mill and pioneer Abner Weed, who discovered that the area's strong winds were helpful in drying lumber.  And believe me, the wind does blow in Weed.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Love Shack

Thanksgiving this year amounted to a five hour drive to the Oregon coast.  We've spent a lot of time vacationing in Oregon.  Spending the holiday seemed like a good idea. 

Here's our camp.  Not too shabby, eh?

I pulled the LOVE SHACK onto the beach around 2 in the afternoon in the midst of a major wind and rain storm.  Gusts up to 50 miles an hour. . . cats and dogs coming down in buckets.  Braving the elements was a whole lotta fun getting the trailer off of the hitch, leveled, stabliized,  utilities connected and most important of all . . . get the satellite dish positioned just right (142 degrees southwest, elevation 36 degrees) . . . cause I was ready for some football . . .only after peeling off the soaking wet clothes.  Man, was I cold and wet.

Even though it was storming, Wifey managed to roast a turkey breast.  We had planned on grilling it outside on the Weber but hells, bells . . . winds over 50 miles an hour and buckets of rain do not a cookout make.

Damn, that was good.

We camped next to a marina that was home to the local Coast Guard station, a number of fishing vessels, a fair number of sailboats and pleasure craft.  It was enjoyable walking the each of the many docks and check out each boat.  Here's a retired vessel waiting for restoration as a museum piece.

Here's what the Coasties are using in its place.  Makes my blood run wild just thinking of how fun it would be to skipper that puppy over major surf. 

Then there were the walks on the beach.  Wifey and Zeenie are looking a bit wind blown.

An old dog trying to teach young dog Kiri some tricks as well as orienting the young pup that sea water is not worth sipping. 

I'm out of focus here.   Maybe Wifey was just thrilled that I was willing to have my picture snapped and got all excited hence the fuzzy photo.  Last Friday it was prime rib night at the local Elks Lodge and we just couldn't miss that!

I snapped a photo of Wifey working (working?) at the computer and then said, Smile, damn it!  And she did. . . and here it is, Wifey smiling.

Then there were the sunsets on each of the 6 nights spent camping.  Oh, the sunsets. . . .

We've lived in many places but our most favorite was living on the California coast.  The salt air.  The sound of the surf.  Fresh seafood.  Seagulls crapping on everything (yeah, even that I miss).  Beachcombing.   And oh, the sunsets.

Wifey?  Same time next year?

Cute video... watch the whole thing:

Monday, November 21, 2011

Pacific Ocean Thanksgiving

Tomorrow two dogs and the wife saddle up with Bob for a ride to the ocean.  6 hours from Cowtown is a beach in Oregon with our name on a parking space in an RV park.  7 days worth of RV parking, rain or shine, we'll be there.

This said, wind gusts to 45 miles an hour, surf between 15 and 30 feet predicted tomorrow and Wednesday for this area.  And that's not to mention the buckets of rain being promised, too.  What the hell, go low and go slow. . . . one way or another, we're gonna get there.

You looking at photos of our last visit.  We were parked in space 81 then and space 81 is our for this next visit. 

Ocean out the back door.  Pounding surf at night. 

Great place to give thanks for all of our blessings (and curses, too).

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Pass Da Spuds!

Being of Irish heritage, it's tough not to have potatoes with most every meal.  Hash browns, country spuds, fried mashed potatoes for breakfast.  French fries with a juicy burger, hot beef or turkey sandwiches with mashed potatoes for lunch.  Baked potato, mashed potato, hells bells, how about raw potatoes (ever eat one raw with a little salt)?

Thanksgiving without at least a couple of yams to go with the turkey . .. but better better, good old mashed potatoes.  Meat without potatoes?  No way!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Unconditional Love Sucks

You've heard the term Unconditional Love.  This means that no matter what a loved one does you accept them for who they are.  Accept, defined in my book, is putting up with their bullshit.  Unconditional love is bunk.

I recently offed a couple we had friended.  They were sucking the happiness out of me.  The relationship was all about what the wife and I could do for them with nothing coming back our way.  Give, give. . .and more give. .. finally, I got it.  Enough was enough.  Don't get me wrong.  Nice people.  Takers but not givers.  Maybe they were not so nice after all.  No time for these types.  Life is too short.

Then there's a few relatives.  No names and no identifying their relationship to the wife and I.  Let's just say there are several who are no longer in our circle.   In a nutshell, they are users, whinners, takers, finger pointers, abusers, and narcissistic. 

If there's a point in this post it is about how much is enough.  When you've had enough of someones personality do you douse your feelings with the unconditional love deal and let it slide?  Or, do you listen to the little voice in your heads that seems get louder with every contact of "that person". .. the voice that is saying, "Enough is enough!"

Life is too short to put up with anyone who sucks the happiness out of you.   

Think about this at your Thanksgiving dinner table when that asshole friend or relative of yours has once again ruined a family holiday and sucked the happiness out of the day.    How much is enough?

Friday, November 11, 2011

I Served

Like I had a choice. .. . which I didn't.....but at the end of my tour of duty it all worked out for the best.  Older.  A bit more educated.  Experienced.  College bound.

Did you serve?  If not, how have you served our country in other ways and furthered or supported our democracy?  Do you even vote?

The cornerstones of what America was founded upon are crumbing.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

While We're On The Subject

The real Warriors of Rock and Roll:

There's something to be said about a woman of color wearing a fringe top.
Bob's Assisted Suicide Clinic

After my gig as the DOUCHE OF EARL! I'll need another source of income.  Those Baby Bombers are coming of the age where they'll need to reckon with the piss poor habits they've lived with since the 60's.  They're blown out their livers, bladders and cancer-ated other parts of their bodies.  The Bombers will be looking for an easy, painless way out.  BASC or Bob's Assisted Suicide Clinic will be there (for a fee, of course) and just the ticket for that last trip out of Dodge.

There will be an menu of options to choose from depending on what each Baby Bomber will want for an "end".

Like these:

Option #1 Tickle 'Em To Death:   Basically, the patient is placed on a slab, shoes and shirt/blouse removed.  Tickle the feet.  Tickle the pits.  A funny way to go.

Option #2 Scare 'Em To Death:  Also known as scare the shit of someone.  Lead the patient into Bob's Assisted Suicide haunted house.  The boogie man lives there as does Jack the Ripper, Chucky and Jason.   A scary way to go.

Option #3 Screw 'Em To Death:  Also know as fuck their brains out.  This option might be just the ticket off of this planet for former presidents, CEO's, and other celebrities who couldn't ever keep it in their pants.  Last all night porn stars would man the Option #3 station.  This would be an exhausting, sweaty, orgasmic way to go.   The Baby Bomber would really have to work on this one.

Option #4 Look Mom, no hands!:  A circus tightrope walker would escort the patient to either (a) to a big top circus tent and up onto the highwire or, (b) up the cables of the Golden Gate Bridge then instructed to walk the wire or the cable with their hands tied behind their back.  A banana peel will be strategically located somewhere along the Baby Bomber's path.  Oooops!

Option #4 For God and Country:  Here's a patriotic option for ya.  Strap the patient around an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missle (ICBM).  Aim that puppy at one of our non-friendly nations (and there's a bunch to choose from).  Or, place the patient on a large bomb loaded into a B-52.  Fly to an altitude of 60,000 feet, open the bomb bay doors, release the bomb and ride that puppy Slim Pickens/Dr. Strangelove style.  Either way, the patient is going out with a bang!

Gross?  Not nice?  Hells bells.....somebody has to do it.

Almost forgot..... for free of charge, a certain Rolling Stones song will be played at just the right moment for the clinic's most special of guests:

Monday, November 07, 2011

Douche of Earl

I'm taking my act on the road.  It's called Chef Watsoni, The Douche of Earl.  I'll make a grand entrance much like Gene Chandler.  Sing a bunch old songs and do some new rap/hiphop shit.  The Douche of Earl will be first on the song list.  Then I'll cook some food on stage, maybe some barbecued ribs or those snails with stuff packed in their shells.  Pass it all around.  Scarf and barf y'all. . . .that's what I'll tell the crowd.  Scarf and barf y'all!!!

Hell of an act.  Everyone will want to dance and eat with the Douche of Earl.  Who wouldn't want to?  Are ya in?  Coming soon to your city.  Watch for it.

Friday, November 04, 2011

So, Sue Me!

Okay, so the blog hasn't closed yet. So, sue me. Enjoy this place while it's still open. Put your feet up. Stay for a while. Can I get you a beer and a couple of wings?

The poster here is a bit out of focus.  Come to think of it, so am I.
Old junior high school joke while we're on the subject of the guide posted here.
Know how to make a hormone?
Don't pay her.

Hahahahahahaaaaaa, LOL, LOL and all that crap!

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Monday, October 31, 2011

Time to Write:  Quack!  Quack!

File this one in back of your mind under IMPORTANT! 

Had I lived by this "rule" things would be a hellalot different today.  Married to the same woman.  Check.  Different profession.  Check.  Etc.  And you? 

I quack a lot as in quack, quack, quack!  Don't ask why I just quack.   A couple of years ago I crowed a lot like CAW!  CAW!!  CAWWWW!  If I couldn't find Wifey in the mall I do a couple of CAW CAW CAWS!!! and she'd show up post-oh-hast-oh.

That's all changed.  Now I just waddle around the house going "quack, quack, quack".  Damn, I just love it.  Quacking like a duck has brought new reality and reaffirmed who I really am.

You know the saying. .. If it walks like a duck. ... if it quacks like a duck. .. and if it looks like a duck....



And that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Time to Think Costumes

Bet these two were wiped out by the end of the evening.   Ya think?

Are you dressing up for the festivities?  I'm thinking of doing something middle Eastern like dressing up like one of those suicide guys.  Dressing like that should make me the center of attention where ever I go.  Might even get some free drinks and food . the jail.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Your Kids?

Type B personality kids are being produced by Type A people.  Why?  Hour upon hour in front of the TV.  Then there's lots of computer time.  Need I mention video games?  Next time you're visiting friends who have kids, check out what's available for their leisure reading.  They're brainless.  Passive.  No drive, little ambition.  You reap what you sow. .. .it's all about endless hours doing basically nothing.

Get this.  A friend who knows grandaughter Gracie asked what she could get for her upcoming birthday. 

Wifey:  Head over to B and N and buy a book appropriate for her age group . .. like 9 to 12 years of age.

Friend:  She already has a book.  I want her to have something fun.

She already has a book?!  In our home Gracie has well over 50 hardcover books, most of which she's read.  Grace could always use and would love another. . .. and another. .. and another.....

I think that's how many others look at what kids need:   If they have one book why buy another?  Forget seeing that they have books in their hands that engender critical thinking skills and that challenge the imagination.  Forget there's vocabulary building in each and every book.   But don't forget that we live in a world that thrives on texting and e-mails that are full of misspelled words and abbreviations. .. LOL, IMHO, WTF!. .. etc.    In the midst of all of that, does anyone know the difference between and the proper use of:   your and you're . . or to, two and too?  It's safe to assume that all know how to use the term LMFAO!

Well, I'm laughing my fucking ass off over any of this. 

The Far Side Cartoon here .. .. means this:  The road to hell is always paved with good intentions.

If you think our world and government is a mess now, just you wait and see when the Type B kids rule the world. . . the ones who have been raised on a steady diet of food with no nutritional value, who have spent the majority of their waking hours not communicating directly with anyone other than texting and e-mail, but who are primarily proficient in video gaming and knowing the plot of each and every Twilight episode.

Thank you, parents!

Friday, October 21, 2011

At A Loss For Words?

Just in case you're lost for words. . ......

Happy weekend!

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Whiskeytown Lake, Very Northern California, United States