Thursday, January 31, 2008


It would have been Jilli's tenth birthday today.

We would have partied. Ran and fetched the ball. Barked at the birds on the backyard fence. Hid the ball. Did all the stuff we would do together.

Now she's three weeks gone . . . are you waiting at the Rainbow Bridge?

I miss my dog. More than anyone would ever guess.

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I could have lived without this week. It's been one of those.

Apart from the usual problems associated with my line of work, the electricity went out Tuesday night meaning there was no heat, no lights, no nothing in the Valley house.

So, to the local bar/hotel. Reserved a room in case the outage went past 9 p.m.

Two big mugs of beer later and at 7:00 p.m. power was restored.

Then there's the headache that won't go away. Is me or is the job?

I could go on about my shit week but why? No point in whinning.

So right now, it's snowing to the tune of 10 - 15 inches of more snow by tomorrow morning.

The question remains, what will top my week off. What will be the frosting on my cake?

I'll tell you what the topper will be: I haven't been home for two weeks. I haven't seen the wife for two weeks.

Two weeks without cavorting, people! Oh wife? It's CAVORTING time! Whoo hooo!

So, if they close the roads or require chains for four wheel drive vehicles over the moutains it will be yet another weekend in the Valley for Alone Again Bob.

And hell no, I'm not buying chains! Only if they come with whips, baby.

My effort at visual poetry today. It's a wheel attached to a sprinkler system that moves while irrigating fields of alfalfa. Cool to watch.

This taken out the front door but a few minutes ago.

This week just has to end on a positive note.

Happy Friday.

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Monday, January 28, 2008


Wife: You change the sheets on the bed in the Valley?

Me: Nope. Why?

Wife: Well, it's about time to change them.

Me: No problem. I'll just sleep on the clean side of the bed - your side - until you have a chance to come up and change the sheets.

There's always a male solution to a female problem.

It snowed like hell last night in the Valley. Like nearly a foot. Wind. Snow. We had it all.

Here's the truck covered in snow. I had already swept most of the snow off of it. Thank goodness for four wheel drive. The 15 mile drive to work meant driving on roads covered in snow and ice. Slippery!

The side of the Valley house looked like this at 5 this morning. It was like snowing sideways last night.

Crap-a-roni and cheese!
Speaking of crap-a-roni and cheese, here's Bob's Chili.

Best bet on a cold, snowy night? Bob's Chili.

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Sunday, January 27, 2008


What did the elephant say to the naked man?

That's cute but can you breathe through it?

Did you hear about the hijacked shipment of Viagra?

The cops are looking for a bunch of hardened criminals.

It's snowing again in the Valley. I've been stuck here all weekend alone and I'm tired of that and I'm tired of snow.

Oh, to be somewhere warm, lying on the beach. Did I mention it would be nice if the beach were clothing optional.

I've been there, seen that. There are all kinds of breasts on the beach. There's beauty and the breast. Perky. Funky. Surgically enhanced. Hangers. All kinds. Ever try to talk to a topless lady and keep your eyes looking at her eyes? Damn near impossible.

Breasts on the beach? I like them all . . . even the ones that look like raisins on a string. Real men like all kinds of women and what they bring "to the table".

But beauty on the inside is what really matters.
Damn. Let it be me on the other side of the camera.
This is what it looks like outside the "Valley" house today.

The wife says it's raining in Cow Town. So, snow or rain. After a fashion, it's all the same. It's winter and that's what winter brings. Snow. Rain.
Last night I made "Bob's Chili". It's deeee lish!

Making chili when it's snowing is a good thing. If I can't have boobies on the beach Bob's Chili will have to do.

Knockers up!

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Wednesday, January 23, 2008


Erectile dysfunction commercials with a disclaimer is one thing I don't get. These commercials all end with:

"An erection lasting more than four hours: men should seek immediate medical attention to avoid long-term injury."

Well, hello! If I had an erection lasting more than four hours I'd be like Leonardo DiCaprio on the bowsprit of the Titanic shouting, "I'm king of the world, I'm king of the world!"

And what kind of long term injury would someone suffer with an erection that lasted over four hours.

Ahhh, darling? I'm pole vaulting out of bed now.

Boing! Boing!

Would that be it?

Bring it on!

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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Back On My Music

I must be feeling better . . . I'm back listening to music.

To the wife, next we meet, may I have this dance?


It was cold this morning. That cold. I wanted to know just how cold it was. Okay, best way is the tongue on metal deal. Tried that. Not cold enough to stick. I was just trying to get the day off. I thought if I were tongue tied I could do that.


#1 What was your favorite book as a kid?

Tom Sawyer.

2. If you were stranded on that proverbial desert island (again!), what book or books (up to 5) would you want to have with you?

#1 How to make fire, find food and survive on a desert island.

#2 The Karma Sutra (just in case a female floats up onto the beach - I want to think out of the box if that happens). And yes, I screwed up on the spelling.

#3 How to Gain Nuclear Supremacy Using Coconuts and Bamboo

#4 Ridding Yourself of Sand Inflicted Knee Burns

#5 Seven Easy Steps to Sailing on a Log

3. What was the first "naughty" book you read and in what way was it naughty?

I think it was something by John Steinbeck.

4. If you were to publish your autobiography today, what would be the title?


BETTER YET, "WHAT ABOUT BOB?" I think I'm writing that book via this blog.

5. Would you rather look at nude pictures/pornography or read erotic fiction and why?

Neither. I want the real deal or nothing at all.

Bonus (as in optional):Do you know the whereabouts today of the first person with whom you had sex?

Would you be talking about my left hand or right hand? I'm looking at both right now. They're looking mighty fine here in the Valley.

Okay, for real: My first experience (and hers) is now gay (3 marriages and 4 kids later) and living happily with her younger lover on the Russian River. I called once a while back to talk about the old days. She said, "Don't ever call here again."


Monday, January 21, 2008


January 8th through this minute: There hasn't been a day that I haven't cried my eyes out. I've been a real mess.

"Get a grip, Bob", the little voice inside me says. "Life is for the living." Right.

But does it have to be so miserable?

My heartfelt thanks and I mean that, to all of my blog friends who reached out to me in comfort.

One said that on the passing of her best friend, her dog, that she felt as bad if not worse when her husband died. I can understand that. With the passing of a spouse you can always trade up. There's no trading up when the your dog, the love of your life dies.

The wife and the granddaughter bring great joy into my life. Little Zoe, the surviving Pom brings joy too albeit peanut brained behavior. She's a sweetie but has not the intelligence my girl Jill had.

For days Zoe has wandered around the house . . . .lost . . . looking for the Alpha Dog, the leader of the pack, our Jill. That speaks for all of us. We wander sometimes aimlessly, each looking for our girl . . . our girl who is forever gone but who will be forever in our hearts.

There's more but why bore you.

For over a week I couldn't think about this blog. For a week I didn't read anything blogged - here, there, elsewhere. Anyway, I think I'm back and ready for life with the living.

Big Valley winter style. Early mornings last week it was anywhere between 2 to 11 degrees Fahrenheit with a high of 35.

Colder than a Tiches Wit.
Trees were coated in snow and ice. It was a winter wonderland.

Peace and comfort to each of you.

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

JILLI: 1998 - 2008

My girl was more than just a dog

Jilliana passed away at 4 a.m. Friday morning - - - falling victim to a huge systemic infection. We never saw it coming.

Why? Why my dog. She was only 10 years old in what we thought the picture of health.

When you lose your very best friend it is crushing and pushes you to the brink of devastation - - it is the worst feeling in the world.

I've lost my very best friend who gave me unconditional love, who always had a tail wag and a smile and one who always wanted to go out and play. What better friend is that?

She was smart, oh she was smart. Jilli did things most dogs could not. Fly ball. Agility racing. Licensed therapy dog.

She had a huge vocabulary. She understood:

Let's go in the garage.

Time for bed (and she grab a chew bone and head down the hall to the bedroom).

Where's the cat?

Go get the birdies! And Jilli would head out the door and chase any birds that happened to be in the yard.

I'd hide the ball anywhere in the house. Jilli would wait and on my command track the ball down - Find the ball! And Jilli would come running. She could find the ball within 20 seconds.

And rarely when she could not find the ball I'd point to the room it was in and say Find it! Find it! and she would know that she was in the right place.

Okay, go pee, pee. Jilli would go on command.

Okay, poo, poo for treats. And Jilli would take a try at taking a poo, poo knowing she'd get a treat for her effort.

Want to eat? And Jill would go nuts knowing it was dinner time.

Dawn's here! That would be our daughter who Jill had a special relationship with. Jilli would begin barking at the front door when I'd say Dawn's here.

Let's go ride in the truck! And Jill would head for the backdoor to the garage knowing she'd be doing one of her favorite things - riding with me.

Time to get dressed! Jill would know that it was time to put on her therapy dog uniform to visit assisted care facilities or hospitals. Jilli brought smiles and comfort to countless numbers people who were ill or dying.

Go find mommy! Find mommy! And Jill would race through the house to find the wife.

Kisses! Give daddy a kiss!! Jill would do that and then she'd hold back and not do that. There were times when she would turn her head away and not give a give. Really - turn her head away as if to say, No way, buster. No kisses today! I'd cradle Jill like a baby and ask for a kiss and she'd turn her head way far away. It was soooo funny.

Jilli filled up the house. It was alive. She was my constant companion who would follow me everywhere. And if she lost track of where I was she'd race from room to room looking for me.

Jill slept at the end of our bed under a blanket or sometimes I stacked pillows on top of her. She loved to be covered up when she slept. Jill would always have to sleep touching me. And she did keep my feet warm. If she got cold in the night Jill would come up and sleep next to my head knowing that I'd soon move her under the warmth of the blankets.

When I took to the computer to write this blog it was often one handed. Jill just had to sit on my lap with her chin on my left arm. This made for difficult writing but I loved the company and the warmth of my dog.

When I read or watched TV, Jilli had to be alongside of me in the recliner - - always on my right side - - - always, in between my leg and the arm of the recliner.

Jilli loved her tummy rubbed, her chin scratched and knew those words. Want your tummy rubbed? And she would roll on her side and lift one leg up. In her last hours and as sick as she was Jill still lifted her leg and wanted a comforting tummy rub. . .

And if I stopped rubbing or scratching her, Jilli would paw my arm to get my attention so I'd keep rubbing or scratching.

Jill could wave on command. She would sit and wave one paw in the air.

She could roll over. She could spin on command.

Jill would never let me leave without showing that she was not happy that I was leaving her home. Once at the door to leave and when it closed Jill would bark and bark , , , trying to get my attention and to say, "Take me with you . .. please!"

Jill could get cranky. She's growl/grumble when a thrown ball didn't go where it was supposed to and she had to change up on where she was running. It was if she was cursing - like in dog style cursing. She didn't like the ball ricocheting off the wall and bouncing back in the opposite direction - - - and she'd let us know that.

Dawn, the wife and I took turns being with Jilli during her illness in the hospital. We prayed. We thought good thoughts. We comforted Jilli. Told her stories. One of the hospital workers was singing in another room and Jilli, in all of her discomfort perked up to listen. Candace asked the worker if she wouldn't mind coming over to sing to our girl. The worker came and sang for Jilli the song Amazing Grace. . . .

We tried so hard to save our girl - we asked her Vet to think outside the box and do anything to save her. Watching Jilli fight the battle of her life and then losing it has left a permanent scar in hearts and minds Candace, Dawn and yours truly. It was a horrible experience but one none of us would have missed.

Wouldn't you want to be with a loved one so very, very sick? We were with Jilli until they kicked us out at 10 every night and there first thing in the morning. Jill was not alone.

There's lots more that I know I'm missing in my story about the best dog, the best friend in the whole world but the little that I have shared with you was to show you why this dog was not just a dog. Jilli was more than that. Jilli was one of us . . . a member of the family. And she was. Jill didn't associate with dogs but she tolerated them. Zoe was more of an inconvenience not the companion for Jill that we thought that she would be.

I've had a few dogs in my life and there will never be another Jill. She was one of a kind. Only one Jilli.

If you knew Jilli, and some of you do, you'd understand why I am so broken, so heartsick.

Life without my Jilli will never be the same.

Yesterday someone said that Jill is not gone but that she's just gone ahead and will be waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge.

I just want my girl back. Instead on Monday I'll be getting a box with Jill's ashes in it.

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Wednesday, January 09, 2008


I am most upset. Here's what's happening. But first:

I brought Jilli home for the first time nine years ago with the idea of giving her to my mother-in-law as a companion.

But first, the wife and I wanted her house trained and well mannered. So we did that.

And during the course of what we were doing I fell head over heels in love with that dog of mine. Could not let her go. Could not hand her over to the mother - in law. Could not.

Jilli, when I'm with her - and that's not possible while I'm in the Valley working, sleeps with me (and the wife), will not let me out of her sight, has to ride in the truck with every opportunity, is nuts about playing ball or me hiding the ball somewhere in the house and she goes and finds it - which she does flawlessly and in quick time, regardless of where I put it.

Along with the wife, Jilli is an important part of my life. She's like one of our children.
Yesterday it was time for her geriatric exam with our vet. Yes, she's getting old - nine years is getting up there or so they say.

She's lively. She acts and looks like a pup. You'd never know she's ready for the rocking chair.

During the exam yesterday it is routine to insert a needle into a dog's bladder to extract urine.

During this routine something went wrong and Jilli began to cry out.

The wife was summoned to the vet's office. They were not certain what happened other than Jilli was in a lot of pain. They asked to sedate her and keep her overnight for observation. This was around 2:00 yesterday.

At 5 the Vet called and said that Jilli was crashing and going into shock . . . The wife and the daughter rush back to the vet's and fortunately their presence was calming to our dog.

Long story short, Jilli was taken to a specialist across town last night. The wife and daughter spent the night with her. We're hopeful all will be well and that our precious Jilli will come home with no on-going problems.

Last I spoke with the wife Jilli was sleeping peacefully in a cage in the animal hospital across town - under the covers just like in the first picture. She loves to be covered up.

I would have driven the 100 miles last night home to be with my dog but the roads were filled with snow and chains were required. Not having any chains I had to stay put in the Valley.

But it was helpful, reassuring know the wife and daughter were there with my girl.

Today we should know more about the long range effects, if any, of this mishap. And yes, the vet committing the mishap has taken full financial responsibility for righting this wrong.

And Dr. Vet, I will sue your ass off if for some reason Jilli is disabled or, heaven forbid - - - - that she doesn't make it through this. Your ass, Dr. Vet, will be mine.

Caring so much for an animal may sound nuts. At one point in my life - before this dog, I would thought anyone to be nuts to love a dog so much. To understand my feelings you'd have to get to know Jilli. She's one of a kind. She really is. I just a complete mess over what's happened.

I want to be on the beach playing ball with my dog and feel carefree again . . . the ocean in my front yard, a steak on the barbecue, a martini in the glass and Jilli on my lap.

Life does not get any better than that.

I hope to have better news tomorrow. Thanks for listening.

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Tuesday, January 08, 2008


1) Do you have/ever had any dating or sex superstitions? (Wear 'lucky jeans' on first date, always light a vanilla candle, etc.) If so, what are they?
Never sleep with anyone crazier than you are. Sleep with someone who has lots of money.
2) If you were stranded on the old deserted island, and a genie appeared who could only grant you one wish -- to bring one of the following people to join you, who would it be?- your spouse/significant other- an unrequited love or some person you've had a crush on- an old/past love- your best friend.
It would have to be the Wright Brothers so we could build a plane and fly the hell out of there.
3) Tell us "weather or not" you're in the mood -- how does rain, snow, sleet, scorching heat, sweltering humidity etc. affect your libido.
Libido? Is that a new drink? You know, there's mudslides, sex on the beach, the Greyhound, etc.. . . is Libido have Tequilla in it (I drink Tequilla and my clothes fall off?).....
4) Are you a crying drunk, an angry drunk, a 'I'm drunk, let's screw' sort of a drinker? (And, if you do not drink -- which one of those things is the reason?)
You'd have to ask the wife 'cause I have no opinion on this one. It would probably not be let's get drunk and screw but let's get drunk and sleep.....
5) Who turns you on the most & why: the activistthe authorthe care-giver/healer (nurse, doctor, masseuse, herbalist, chiropractor etc.)the comedianthe educator (professor, teacher, mentor etc.)the model, the musician, the politician, the scientist.
My protologist. I get totally aroused.
"What the hell are you doing?! Get those damn greasy fingers out of there! What are you, nuts?! OUCH, damn it!"
Bonus (as in optional): Looking back, what's the one thing you've done which was supposed to be erotic, but didn't quite work out?
Ahhh, I bought this toy, see. .. and it was like wayyyy too big (I thought size didn't matter). . . . I'll have to take the fifth on the rest of this story on the grounds for if I elaborate the wife will never let me forget it and I'll never get layed ever, never.
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Whiskeytown Lake, Very Northern California, United States