Tuesday, July 31, 2007

No kidding. That could be next. Pepsi's response to Coke Plus is Pepsi Max. It's being advertised as an energy drink.

Regular Pepsi contains 24 milligrams of caffeine per 8 ounce serving. Pepsi Max serves up 46 milligrams of caffeine. That's enough to make you go whoa baby!

What's strange is that the most recent bottling of Pepsi Max contains Ginseng. Honest.

They say Ginseng can enhance the sexual ability of males. Wikipedia cites that and other health benefits with the consumption of Ginseng. Consumption of Pepsi Max will give a man two different types of "buzzes".

My friend Russell wrote this morning that if Pepsi ever adds Viagra to Pepsi Max they could call it "Mount and Do". Good one, Russell.

There's no doubt that in the not so distant future that someone will market a drink like that. It's a crazy world we live in.

Monday, July 30, 2007


Sunday morning was the perfect time for a walk. It was cool and not yet Cow Town summer hot. The dogs needed a good run off leash and they got it.

In wide open spaces, whether at the beach, at the park or as you see here, the field of my favorite elementary school, the dogs unleashed are the perfect example of unbridled joy.

When the dogs are free to run they both have big smiles. Here Jilli has one of those big smiles as she runs toward me.

Dogs do smile, don't you know?

And dogs have a vocabulary. They say the average pooch knows 200 words. Better than some two-legged creatures that I know in Cow Town.

When I loaded the girls into the truck and headed south toward the elementary school, all I had to say was "school?". Jilli begins to whine and look around well knowing where she's headed. In fact, she whined all the way to school and then barked with joy when I opened the truck door to let her out. You'd think she had been bound and gagged for 5 years and was sooooo very deprived. NOT. Jilli just loves school.

Whether at school, at the park or at the beach the dogs bark, run, bark and then run some more until you think they're both going to go into cardiac arrest. We're talking major tongue hanging out. These are happy moments.

The dogs need more unbridled joy in their lives. So do I. I should be off leash more often.

On Sunday's I like watching cars go around in circles. Around and around and around. It's called NASCAR.

It's mindless but at times interesting. Speeds often exceed 200 miles an hour as they circle the track.

Yesterday it was NASCAR racing at the Brickyard - Indianapolis Motor Speedway - around and around and around on a 2.6 mile track.

One of my favorite drivers, Jimmy Johnson hit the wall as you can see here. A fuel or oil line was crushed and Jimmy's number 48 car caught fire.

Jimmy's thinking "HOT CINDERS!" and heads for the infield so that he can bail.
The Home Depot #20 car driven by Tony Stewart (here on the left) prevailed in the final laps and won the race.

Tony was happy to win the race (raked in a million bucks) and had his moment of Sunday's unbridled joy.

When was the last time you were off leash and experienced unbridled joy?

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Saturday, July 28, 2007


You could say I'm back with the living.

5 knockout tablets 90 minutes before the appointment.

2 large full of juice syringes.

Bag over my nose for nitrous.

Everything goes black.

Only thing remembered: "Bob, please open your mouth a little wider."

Bovine and human bone transplanted into the jaw.

One out of two titanium posts screwed into the jaw. The second post will be inserted by Christmas.

Roof of mouth sliced and diced. What's up with that?

Stitches upon stitches.

A black eye.

Major facial swelling.

I had the complete Rocky Balboa look. And just like Rocky, I wanted to yell "VICTORY!" when my dentist and I parted company. You had to have seen the movie to understand this.

Then came the two days completely under the influence of pain medications. Was I coming or was I going? I didn't care. Faithful Pomeranian Jilli hardly left my side. That's man's best friend for ya.

For two days there was blood on everything. And to think I asked for this!

Wife: "You bled on my pillow."

Me: "I plead guilty of being under the influence, officer."

To add insult to injury, four to six weeks of soft food. Hold the nachos. Instead I'll have a nice medium rare steak mixed up in a blender.

Have I completely grossed you out?

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007


So it's okay to stand in the open but not behind the bushes? And this sign is all about men, don't you think? Women are definitely not that perverted.

I've done the nude thing before. Last thing on anyone's mind, at least where I got buck yahoo nekked, was masturbation or having sex.

Anyone caught spanking the monkey in that environment would have had their ass kicked and be banned forever. There's etiquette even in nudist colonies.

But do they have to put it on a sign?

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Monday, July 23, 2007


Cow Town's recreation department sponsored a "fun" day on Saturday for its smallest citizens.

Our little grasshoppers practiced soccer.

Even before Saturday's event Grace was convinced that she wants to play on a soccer team this fall. With the undivided attention of her mother (as in making the mandatory practices two to three times a week), I do believe that at the tender of age of four Grace will be playing soccer.
Someone says something stupid, Grace gets this look. Here it was something her dad said.
Pucker up! Indoor hockey is played in Cow Town not on ice but on a concrete floor. There's something missing in the translation from ice hockey to hard floor hockey. It just doesn't seem right.
Costco bottled water. Yum, yum. Keep hydrated, that what the sports experts always say.

Check out the freckles. It's definitely freckle season in Cow Town.

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Sunday, July 22, 2007


The light at the end of the tunnel is not a freight train . . . it's the light at the end of a scope used for a colonoscopy. Choo choo!

President Bush had a colonoscopy yesterday. He was sedated and Cheney had control of America. Hey, was that a mushroom cloud over there?

I've had two of these procedures. They start you out drinking something called Collite. It cleans you out.

You don't really think a physician would want to scope you out unless the Hershey Highway was clean as a bean, would you?

Honestly, this is bad stuff. Once Collite takes hold of you, it's back and forth and back and forth to sit on the john. To boot, regardless of the flavors offered up, it's the worse stuff to put down the hatch. Collite makes you want to barf. Horrible.

And you can't drink it all at once. Even if you could, I don't think you'd want to drink it all at once. It's a glass at a time until nearly a gallon has been downed. A glass every 20 minutes. Three or four hours or so later, you're clean as a bean. Squeaky clean.

Here's your typical "up periscope" room. You lay on your side, sing "Moon River" and wait for the physician to cry out, "Houston, we have insertion." Yahoooo! I put that in brown to make my point.

There's no foreplay, just a little lubricant and then Wham! Bam! You're hurting me, Man!

How do I know if this hurts? Both procedures? I didn't take the sedation that's offered and it was a stone, cold sober experience. COLD TURKEY.

I wanted to be awake for the whole, hole experience. True story. Two procedures both without medication. This experience has assured me that I could never be gay. Never.

Rule #1 in Bob's World: Never mess around with the exhaust pipe.

When I wasn't singing Moon River and the Beatles song, Why Don't We Do It In The Road, I watched the procedure on a small video monitor. It was the same monitor which was connected to the scope the physician used to see inside my colon. Inside a healthy colon looks like this. Pretty cool.
NOTE: This diagram illustrates a Sigmoidocopy which only hits a third to a half of the colon. READ THE FINE PRINT! A colonoscopy examines the WHOLE length of the colon.

And you were thinking a colonoscopy was no big deal.

The procedure goes pretty easy until the scope attempts to around a couple of colon corners. Your physician has to cram and wiggle the scope to round the corner. That's went I started to sweat bullets and cried out, "Are we there yet? DAMN IT!! ARE WE THERE YET!"

I wouldn't recommend not taking sedation for everyone. Our macho President had to have it. Most ask for it. If you knew me you'd understand why I prefer to be awake and "enjoy" the essence of the whole, hole experience.

And that's why it's great being Bob.


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Saturday, July 21, 2007


That would be this position following the usual 6:00 a.m. breakfast, hunkered down with a full tummy.

Me: "Jill - let's go for a walk. Come on, let's walk!"

This is met with heavy lids and a "Are you kidding?" look from my Pomeranian. Sleep takes priority over walking the neighborhood.

During the Viet Nam war I was assigned to a unit that maintained 8-10 B-52 bombers and as many KC-135 tankers (identical to a Boeing 707 but equipped for in flight refueling of fighters or bombers). One of the men who worked in this unit sent e-mailed photos this week of aircraft #049 taken during a lay-over in England. Thank you, Al!

Our 52's, which included #049, bombed the crap out of North Viet Nam. Yesterday that meant something. Today it's "What was that all about?" Certainly, "the war" turned out to be a waste of money, lives and had a huge impact on the ecology of that country. Like the war in Iraq, the money and resources could have been put to better use toward making this a better world to live in.

Too bad hindsight is always 20/20.

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Friday, July 20, 2007


This is what we "inherit" come every Monday: A kid that's crapped out tired and often sick from a weekend of too much running around and no sleep. Dare we say anything? Not without severe repercussions. Such is the plight of grandparents. You'll be there one day if you're not already.
By Thursday Grace was rested, somewhat over a summer cold and ready for dress up. It was time to pull the Tinkerbell costume out of the closet, put it on and ask Grammy to tie a special ribbon in her hair. Four days later she was a completely different kid - the regular Gracie not the pooped out tired Gracie.
The wife made another special potato salad this week. I'll have to mash it up a bit in order to make a potato salad sandwich. Great stuff.
And in this third week of July it rained an inch and a quarter in Cow Town. During a season where one hundred plus temperatures rule the day, rain is virtually unheard of. Should we thank China or curse at them?

Why, you ask? Today's Wall Street Journal: "Huge Dust Plumes From China Cause Changes in Climate - - An outpouring of dust layered with man-man sulfates, smog, industrial fumes, carbon grit and nitrates is crossing the Pacific Ocean on prevailing winds from booming Asian economies in plumes so vast they alter the climate. The rivers of polluted air can be wider than the Amazon and deeper than the Grand Canyon. On some days, almost a third of the air over Los Angeles and San Francisco can be traced directly to Asia." The article goes on to substantiate why the plumes of dust are affecting the world's climate.

For more, check out the front page of the B section of the 7/20/07 edition of the WSJ.

Time for errands and a Friday lunch out somewhere nice. A nice juicy taco is sounding pretty good. Happy weekend.

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Thursday, July 19, 2007


I'm at a crossroads in my life. I am looking for a sign to point me in the right direction.

Sign. .. intuition . . . little voice . . . wind blowing the right direction - - - a few of the things I use to help with decisions.

What to do. . . what to do. . .

Someone said to look for a sign from God. I did. And here's what happened. God has a sign shop in Cow Town and he doesn't have the sign I was looking for.

But I might take him up on a couple of sessions in his tanning salon. A little shake and bake might help with the decision that's on my plate.
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007


A September trip to Monument Valley and the Grand Canyon, that's what comes next.

The question is which arm or which leg do I give up to pay for the fuel it will take to make a trip there and back. An 8 - 10 MPG diesel truck pulling a 12,000 pound fifth wheel trailer can wreak havoc on a bank account.

But, you can't take it with you. Spend it. Enjoy it. Roll in it.

Director John Ford shot 10 western films in Monument Valley. Portions of other films such as Back to the Future III (drive-in scene), Mission Impossible II (Tom Cruise scaling a mesa), Easy Rider (scenes in the beginning of the film), National Lampoon Vacation (the Griswold's station wagon falls apart here), Forest Gump (Forest ends his cross country run here), 2001: Space Odyssey, Thelma and Louise, and Koyaanisqatsi were shot in Monument Valley.

That's why these pictures look so familiar.

Nestled between Utah and Arizona Monument Valley is located on Navajo Indian land. They call it - Tsé Bii' Ndzisgaii (Valley of the Rocks).

What a place to lose yourself. This should be fun.

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007


Compared to the other blogs I read, What About Bob? is a Boy Scout Handbook. It's sooooo tame and soooo boring. Other blogs have like 500,000 visitors a day. HNT pictures, racy posts, and good looking ladies - that brings 'em in.

To kick this blog up a notch I could write about lots of juicy stuff. It would get me no where but the doghouse. The wife frowns on any secret I share. But for starters I could write:

She: "I'd like a date."

Me: "Funny you say that. I've been wanting to date for a long time but didn't think you'd let me."

I already make up more than enough stuff for this blog without making up any more.

As for pictures the only ones I can come up with are of kids, dogs and vegetables. HNT stuff is out of the question because of who I am and what I do.

My dogs are cute. The grandchild even cuter. The wife? She never takes a bad picture. When it comes to pictures of yours truly the best I can do is put cheese in my mouth and hope for the best. I could stick with just saying "cheese" for the camera - but me, I gotta always be different. Being Bob is always wanting to be different and strange.

What's 16 years in cat years? Fluffy and her sister Coco came to us the summer of 1991. Coco disappeared one dark night 7 years ago. We're thinking coyote as otherwise Coco would have definitely made back to us that night. She was such a great cat. She'd climb on the back of my chair and groom my head of hair. That was always interesting.

Despite her age, Fluffy is quite agile, eats like a horse and pretends she's a dog.

Here the dogs scooted under a bench to get out of the July Cow Town sun while I waited for the wife to come back with Starbucks drinks.

And that's how I'll end this boring entry. Are you still awake?


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Monday, July 16, 2007


There's a refrigerator in the garage to take on what the refrigerator in the house can't hold. In the Land of Milk and Honey, you need two refrigerators. One will not support a life style of gluttony. Oink. Burp.

Our second "reefer" holds mostly soft drinks, beer, fruit and veggies, frozen pasta sauce, bell pepper stuffing and assorted cuts of meat - things we stock up on. If the bomb went off tomorrow we're damn sure to make it through the rest of the month.

Today I went to the second "reefer" and reached for my one a day Coke (only one a day) and found that the wife had bought a 12 pak of Coke Plus. Yuck, I thought - now what have they added to Coke to change it's taste. Why can't we just have plain old Coke. A closer look at the can told me that mine was not any ordinary Coke but one with VITAMINS! and MINERALS!! Wow, a health drink!!

Is America really that addicted to soft drinks that they can't get their daily requirement of vitamins and minerals any other way than in a can of Coke. That speaks volumes about us. Yes, it does appear that we are going to hell in a hand basket.

No longer does the mother in us have to remind our kids to eat their fruits and vegetables. Now all we have to say is, "Darling, drink that can of Coke. It's good for you!"

What will they think of next?

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Sunday, July 15, 2007


I grew up in the grocery business. My parents owned a supermarket. I've owned a produce market. With 20 years experience in retail food I know the ins and outs of this business.

I don't usually compare prices from one store to another. Experience tells me that an item that's a bargain in one store is not a bargain in another - and vice versa. It used to be that in the long run whether you shopped at my dad's store, Albertson's or Safeway, your monthly grocery bill would average out to be about the same.

Then came the day when I had the time to do most of the household grocery shopping. It didn't take long to discover that things have changed in the grocery industry. What opened my eyes was a quick trip to Raley's to pick up a couple of Kids Cuisine frozen dinners for Grace. Not wanting to drive across town to where we normally shop (Winco), Raley's is a convenient place to shop. The frozen dinners are treat for Grace and easy for me to provide a quick, easy snack in the late afternoon.

At Winco, a California/Oregon/Nevada discount grocery chain, Kids Cuisine dinners are $1.66. They just went up from $1.58. They had been a buck fifty-eight forever. My trip to Raley's, thinking there would be 20 to 30 cents higher than Winco was an eye opener. Raley's price was $2.68 a dinner or a $1.02 more. Ouch! Together the four dinners were $4.08 more than what I would have paid at Winco. When I walked out of Raley's I was feeling more than a bit ripped off.

Okay, I thought. Probably a mistake in pricing. But to make sure on my next trip to Winco I made note of some of the items I usually buy with the idea of comparing them to Raley's. Here's what I found:

Kraft Mac and Cheese: Winco: .66 - - Raley's 1.35
Florida Grapefruit Juice 1/2 gallon: Winco 2.50 - - Raley's 4.79
S&W Black Bean 15 oz can: Winco .58 - - Raley's .80
Tyson Game Hen 22 oz: Winco 2.32 - - Raley's 3.99
Kids Cuisine Dinner: Winco 1.66 - - Raley's 2.68
Top Ramen: Winco .10 - - Raley's .20
Contadina Pizza Sauce: Winco 1.39 - - Raley's 2.25
Herdez Canned Salsa 7 oz: Winco .64 - - Raley's 1.09

Total Winco: $9.85

To buy the same eight items at Raley's: $17.15.

Things are not what they used to be. It does pay to comparison shop. Need I say more?

And now you know where to find me grocery shopping.

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Saturday, July 14, 2007


Well heck, it's not these puppies I'll be getting. Bob as a Tranny? I don't think so. Not now. Not ever.

Talk implants to most anyone and their immediate thoughts are of the chest and not about teeth.

Two dental implants are nearly expensive as two booby implants. My little sojourn to the dentist is going to run close to 6k for two implants. Like booby implants, there's never a two for one sale.

I checked into getting implants in a foreign country. For example Thailand has more than few dental clinics that cater to "tourists" looking for a deal. Two implants in Bangkok run 3k. Getting caps are even more economical. It's no wonder Americans are looking to Asian countries for low cost resolve to their health issues.

I seriously thought about making a trip to Asia until I did the math: To the price of two Thailand implants add round trip airfare to Bangkok, a two week hotel stay, meals, and incidentals. All things considered the overall cost for two dental implants in a foreign country would be well over 6k. Better to stay home and have them done here.

Implants begin with a metal post with a screw end is anchored into the jaw bone. Damn! That must hurt!! It looks like this. If it comes loose, then you qualify for the "He's got a screw loose" award. Even without a dental implant, I win that one hands down.

Four to six months after the screw has been inserted a crown is added to the post to complete the process.

My jawbone needs more material in order to seat the post. Adding pain to more pain, there will be a graft of bovine material (yes, bovine as in "moo!") and bone material from dead people to build-up my jawbone. You could say that my mouth is going to be haunted. Gives me the creeps just thinking about that.

There's a lot of other things I'd like to do with the six thousand American dollars. But if I chose not have implants I'd look like a regular Cow Town Hillbilly. Then I'd really be like one of the guys! Yeee Haw!!! Ride 'em bucktooth!

Let's see - on one hand keeping my 6 thousand bucks looking like a Hillbilly without teeth. On the other hand implants and a Bob looking like a Bob should look like. This is like making the same decision a woman makes when it comes to deciding whether or not to have booby implants.

It's all about how we want to look.
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Friday, July 13, 2007


Damn! Seems like I just had one. Why are birthdays once every year? Can't we skip a year once in a while?

Candace and Grace made an ice cream cake. Didn't they do a great job?

We had dinner with Grace and two of our four children at one of Cow Town's best Italian restaurants.

Our two other kids - Max is in South Korea. Todd has lit out for parts unknown and for some reason has chosen to be incognito. Hey guys, we missed you.

It was a nice time. Great food. Wonderful conversation. A priceless evening.

Dawn and husband Keith.

Scott and daughter Grace.

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Whiskeytown Lake, Very Northern California, United States