Saturday, May 11, 2013

Wifey: Super Shopper Extrordinare


THE FOLLOWING WAS WRITTEN TWO YEARS AGO AND NOT PUBLISHED UNTIL TODAY: 

Wifey could spend half her life piddling around shopping. Me? Get in, get it, get out. No screwing around. Our shopping styles are so different that I can't stand to go shopping with Wifey. Drives me nuts.

During our trip north last week our little burg of a town had sidewalk sales, street food, cowboy shootouts, and a live band playing religious music (complete with groupies waving their arms, swaying with the music).

The town closed a couple of streets to make room for all of the activities.

So here's Wifey shopping for books and flashcards for the grandchild. Box after box after box as put forth by a hospice organization raising money. So I walk around. And around. And around while waiting for Wifey to finish shopping.

To kill time I stand in front of the bandstand and join in with the arm wavers. It was cool to get a little of the flavor of the moment. During my arm waving and looking to the sky one woman shouted, "Praise the Lord!" and I followed by shouting, "And pass the ammunition!" That didn't go over in the least bit.

   I like towns with character. Building constucted of stones and brick are my cup of tea. I've always wanted to buy one, rennovate it and create an open loft for living on the second floor.

Take this Elks Lodge just down from where Wifey was shopping. Perfect for what I'd love to create.

With the time Wifey spent shopping I could have rehabed the whole building.
Things About Me?

The other day I cruised a couple of blogs that were new to me.  On one blog someone had taken the time to list 100 things about her.  Yup, 100 things.  That started me to thinking.  Are there 100 things worth listing here that are seemingly unique and interesting?  Who would care about anyone's 100 habits, quirks, or neurotic behaviors? 

This particular blog with the "100 things" also listed some of her sexual preferences and bedroom habits complete with a detailed notations of varying exploits in the bedroom.  Ahh, one of those kiss and tell ladies. 

I could make list of stuff.  A lot of "stuff" would not be shared.  Guys who kiss and tell or talk out of school are real cruds, don't you think?   Besides, why incriminate myself?

Bob's Very Partial Non-Inclusive Listing of Stuff

1.  Salads don't have meat in them. Meat is meat and salad is salad and never the twain shall meet.

2.  I can only sleep on one side of the king sized bed that is shared with Wifey.  Having slept on that side for all of my life this old dog can't learn a new trick of sleeping on the opposite side.

3.  It's difficult to look people in the face who have hairs hanging way out their nose...ear hairs, too.

4.  I get the urge to kill when I see someone pick their nose.

5.  Buttermilk is a favorite drink and also used in mashed potatoes.  It's the Nebraska side of me.

6.  Speaking of the Corn Husker state, corn is a favorite, too.  Winner winner corn for dinner.

7.  If they'd allow it, I'd be in the Middle East serving in a front line battle unit.  Look for the guy with rocket launcher.  Don't you think it makes sense to send old farts to war and not sacrifice our youngest and our finest?  If the old farts were made to serve in lieu of the youngsters there would be a hell of a lot less fighting in this world.

8.   KFC, pasta, tacos, Roundtable pizza a medium rare grilled New York or a grilled split chicken, shrimp dipped in cocktail sauce, Spumoni ice cream anytime, anywhere, any place.  Just not all at the same time.

9.  Showers not baths.

10.  Turn-on:  Intelligent, mature, self actualized women. 

11. Turn off:  People who thrust their sexual or political agendas onto everyone else.  Politicians who promise pie in the sky and once elected become sleeze ball promise breakers.  Hillary most likely would have been a much better president.

12.  One must have short term goal:  Small convertible getting great mileage. 

13.  Something purchased that should be used more frequently:  Fifth wheel trailer. 

14.  Being herded like cattle in an airport is no longer an option.  Drive.  Train.  Bus (well, not really).  Boat.  Anything but flying. 

15.  Have you ever slept in a motel or hotel that didn't give you the creeps.....even four or five star hotels?  If it doesn't you've not seen the 60 Minute piece on the subject.  I hate and avoid them like the plague (which is why the fifth wheel was purchased).  Did I ever tell you the story about our dog who, when staying at a hotel (she's a therapy dog and can stay anywhere), always finds some shit either under the bed or dresser or in a closet that should have been removed?  Did I ever tell you the story of the employees I sent to a conference in Oakland who found a used condum under their bed?  'Nuff said.

15.  There's something about tall, long legged, redheaded women that float my boat ... . :)

16. Lacking 4 units to graduate high school (all due to failing p.e. in the senior year, yeah, p.e.) I later earned an AA, BA & and MA.. . without a high school diploma or equivalent.   Am I proud of that?  You bet your sweet ass I am.  I never wanted to attend high school let alone earn a diploma.  High school was such a waste of time.

17.  People who wear shorts to dine in a fine restaurant piss me off as do those who wear hats while eating.  Then there's those who put their elbow on the table and lean on it all through the meal.  Grrr.  I won't go into my feelings about people who double dip at cocktail parties.  YUCK!  Oh, and buffets?  No way, Jose.  Don't get me started on people who pick their teeth at the table. 

The more I learn about people the more I love my dogs.

18.  No sharing food.  I'll eat mine.  You eat yours. 

19.  Cleavage cause me to involuntarily salivate.  Slurp!  Mom should have breast fed Bob.

20.  I do colonoscopy's without sedation and scream during the procedure, "Give it to me doctor, harder, deeper, faster!" just to be funny.  Then I begin singing the song Moon River followed by Why Don't We Do it in the Road.

21.  At age 16 there were two traffic tickets in 3 months:  Illegal u-turn and 45 in a 25 mph zone.  At 16 the VW was rolled in the middle of a downtown intersection and at 17 the same VW (repaired) wrecked again by losing control and smashing into a concrete retaining wall. 

At the hospital:

CHP Officer to Bob:  Have you been drinking? 

Bob:  Nope. 

CHP Officer giving Bob the Evil Eye knowing he is soooo shitfaced:  Well, this one's on us and the next one is on you. 

Words I'll never forget.

22.   Because while walking on the beach it was always dragging in the sand there was penis reduction surgery to cure the problem.

23.  Bob loves to stretch the truth and tell little white lies ...and sleeps soundly every night.

24.  Pepperoni, tomatoes and anchovies are key ingredients to a scrumptious pizza.  Chicken does not belong on pizza.  Period.

25.  If you must shave, shaving while showering is the only way to go.

26.  Blue Saphire martini's . . . shaken, not stirred.

27.  First it was Olympia, then Coors, followed by Stroh's , Blatz, then Coors and now Budweiser.  I used to date, high school days, a girl whose dad owned a brewery.  Need I say more?

28.  A nice dry Zin.

29.  A waitress that doesn't greet you with, "Hi GUYS!  How are you guys doing?"...

30.  A retail employee who doesn't greet me with "Hey Dude". 

31.  Anyone who doesn't greet me with, "Sir, can I help you?"  Dude wins out over Sir over guys.

32. I smile when I get carded.

33.  There's a set of congas in my office.  Some men pass the time beating their meat....I beat the congas. 

34.  In grade school I waited to take a crap until I got home (yeah, TMI here).  This often caused constipation.  Back in the day mom thought it was a good idea to administer enema's when Bob got clogged up.  I often wonder if she was trying to help or if mom was one kinky bitch.

35.  At age five I fell (pushed by buddies) into a septic tank and nearly drown.....saved by the neighbor who had jumped the fence to pull me out.

36.  If there was an opportunity to do it all over again it would be a career in fashion design and manufacture or owning & operating one restaurant (probably more) specializing in good old home sytle comfort food at reasonable prices.

37.  Coffee is on and reading the morning paper by 5:30 a.m.

38.  At age 16 the mother of my steady girl friend taught the two of us the fine points of wine consumption.  She was a professor of English at San Francisco State, swung both ways, drove us to spend each fourth of July on a Native American reservation for night long chanting around the campfires and in a sweat lodge. 

One night was spent on the lawn of San Quentin prison protesting capital punishment.  Marlon Brando sat with us. 

The professor was one interesting lady who would get shitfaced and later in the evening would always put on Odetta records ending the evening singing the song, I Loves You Porgy (from Porgy and Bess) at the top of her lungs, tears running down her face.  The professor passed away a few years back and her daughter?  Three marriages and three live births later she came out of the closet now living happily with her very young female husband....or is it wife?

39. 3 years, 10 months, 22 days out of my life assigned to a Strategic Air Command B-52 bomber maintenance squadron.  Any regrets?  Nope.  I done did kind of half way grew up thanks to Uncle Sam.

40.   High school choice of dress:  Levis, button down shirt or a t-shirt, tan desert boots.  Today's choice of dresss:  Levis, button down shirt or a t-shirt, tan desert boots.  Only one company seems to make the desert boots I love...any English firm and they run $95.  Back in the day I think I paid about $20 for the same thing.

LOCKED OUT!!!


Yes, old Bob has been locked out of Facebook!!  It's a matter of FB passwords and confusion around Bob Watson v. Robert Watson...I'll get it straightened out one day soon but as it now stands there's go going there.

Had a new bed for Bob delivered yesterday..one of those sleep number kind ...with all the bells and whistles available.  King sized type.  It vibrates...it tilts this way and that, all the comforts of home.  Now if could find a suitable woman(or two...maybe evn three)  to fill in the other side of this monster...I can't believe that I just wrote that!!!

If you know Bob then you'll realize that a rolling stone gathers no moss and neither does he!!

Saturday, May 04, 2013

BOXING NIGHT!

Here I sit writing to you and listening to CD's I've placed on the computer....and waiting for company to arrive for burgers and boxing visa-vie Showtime pay per view. It should be a pleasant experience watching some dude get the snot knocked out of him while consuming red meat thanks to some cow that got the snot knocked of it.

Thins are progressing ever so slowly...especially for me, the original Young Man in a Hurry...now creeping up on old age...Yuck!  That sounds so very awful.  As George Burns once quipped, "If I had known that I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself."

Old George was quite the quipper-snapper, wasn't he?

Billie Holiday is singing Prelude to a Kiss...care to dance?

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Time Marches on

Boy, does it ever...seems lke only yesterday it was Thanksgiving. Today marks the end of April.  Time is like sand through your fingers.

As a boy I used to calculate how many years I would live and what the year would be my last...Well, 2012 nearly won out.  I figure that I've got at least 20 more years.

So the problem of the day is how to overcome these disabilities all be them temporary...that's the 64,000 dollar question...

One foot in front of the other is a pretty damn good start...YAAAAA THINK??.

Saturday, April 20, 2013


FORTUNATELY, LIFE GOES ON..ABOVE YOU SEE GRACIE WITH HER MOM FOLLOWING THE PERFORMANCE OF ALADIN....WHICH OUR GIRL HAD A PART..


THE SAME WEEKEND IT WAS DAWN'S BLAZIN' HOT BIRTHDAY.


THERE'S OUR GIRL IN THE ALADIN'S CHORUS LINE...SHE'S THE SMALLEST ONE OF THE GROUP WITH GLASSES.


I JUST HAD TO POST THIS SHOT AGAIN.  YA THINK WE COULD HAVE BURNED THE HOUSE DOWN??!!!















CAN'T BELIEVE IT?!!

I cannot belive that it's April.  Daughter Dawn had a birthday last Monday and it's in April...tax man is knocking on the door so it must be April. Where does time go anyhow?

Had our taxes done by a local guy...instead of paying your truly will be getting two checks (one from the state and the second from the Feds) for approximately 6 grand!!!  Made my freaking day..big time!!!!  For this current tax year I'll be filing single (unless hell freezes over and I re-marry---which is much to the chagrin of the kids!) and claiming myself as 1 dependent.  Let's see how that works out....

Just received my second edition of What About Bob...it covers 2007 through 2008...hard bound, and quite the beauty.  The previous edition covers 2006 up until 2007.  I'm pretty proud of how both editions turned out....it looks as if two more edtions will be required to bring this project up-to-date.

Life continues on.  What with doctor's appointments, physical and emotional therapy, the many visits from friends and relatives...there's hardly time for much else. I guess that is why I can't believe that it is April...time is flying so I must be having fun. And remember TTFN which is short for Ta-Ta for now!!!

Murphy's Law


#12 Nothing is easy as it looks...

#13 If anything can go wrong it will....

So, looking at Law number 12...you'd think that walking would be a no brainer...you get up, you walk.  Well folks, at ain't that damn easy. Something I have taken for granted all these years is suddenly a huge challenge....

Take eating as another example of Law #12,,,,unless my neck is positioned down and I'm talking wayyyy down, choking, gagging, etc. takes place thereby elimating any intelligent conversation...well, the good Lord finally figured out a way to shut old Bob up during meals...

Then there's manual dexterity....can't even tie my own shoes....thank God for son-in-law Keith who does everything fo me that is related to showering and dressing.  He is a real jewel.

And then there's rule #13...Like old Capt Bob fallling flat on his face...like not being able to get up in time to make the toilet..yes, walking remains a huge challenge.

I think that I've vented more than enough...Thanks ever so much for reading this stupid ass blog..


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

IT'S APRIL?!!


Where or where does time go?  I had hoped/thought/thunked that by now I'd be up and running. So, I ask myself, Is it me or the condition?  A suspect a little or a lot of both.

Eating is the same as it was prior to the insertion of the feeding tube:  Choking, gagging.

Dexerity is in the shitter, I shit you not.

Walking has improved...still shaky but nonetheless improved.

I have to be helped in and out of bed.

I must be "showered" by son-in'law Keith. 

Still have to have my butt wiped....!

Constant coughing, spitting up:  I'm a really joy to be around.

Okay, TMI time is over!!!!

You get the picture...Bob is improving but slowly.  I'll get there (wherever "there" is) sooner or most probably later....

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Santana - Smooth (feat. Rob Thomas)

An old favorite!!! By an old favorite band!!!

Lots and Lots of Crap!


Well, where do I begin?  First off I F'ed (short for fucked up)...so, back to first off:  I F'd up my Facebook account where I can't even access it.

Second:  Son-in-law Keith is on a Bob Independace trip having me do much more than I am ready to  do. He means well and is generally good natured about what I can and cannot do...guess I should shut up and roll with it....

Third:  I am exacly at where I was 8 months ago with my eating...chocking, gagging and so on. Picture food spewing across the table...in general it is disgusting and I am not fit to eat in public... I hate to go back relying on the tube inserted into my chest for nourishment....

Fourth: I forget what exactly the fourth thing was...ah, yes...got it::  My dexterity is in the toilet.  Literally.  At takes forever to eat, type.........you get the picture...

And thus ends the Bob Gripe session for today............

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

 

The Last Day of Sailing

The last day sailng (and of Candace's life)  Here she's down below mugging for my camera and a shot with yours truly at the helm .....well kind of...there was very little wind that day so mostly we sat and talked...
 


Sunday, April 07, 2013

Home Alone


Well. almost all alone.  The kids took off to camp with friends..  Since Friday they'vr been gone leaving me with son Scott...who does a pretty decent job of taking care of bizz. They'll roll in some time Momday just in time for Dawn's birthday celebration.

I can't seem to shake images that are nearly constant. of that fateful morning in June.  While this bugs the living shit out of me. I guess I get something out of it.  Isn't that sick? Okay, you're thinking. "Yeah. Bob IS indeed sick and has more than one screw loose."

 And I probably do...my psychologist friend thinks that I  am on the path to total recovery.  She claims to have "my back" which at the time she makes this statement feels prettty damn good.  At times I feel like I'm nuts which brings up the old Bob-ism of "You know what drives me nuts?  Tight butts drive me nuts, that's what!!" On women!!!!!

And that's the name of that tune!!!

Sunday, March 31, 2013

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Whiskeytown Lake, Very Northern California, United States