Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Bob's Assisted Suicide Clinic

After my gig as the DOUCHE OF EARL! I'll need another source of income.  Those Baby Bombers are coming of the age where they'll need to reckon with the piss poor habits they've lived with since the 60's.  They're blown out their livers, bladders and cancer-ated other parts of their bodies.  The Bombers will be looking for an easy, painless way out.  BASC or Bob's Assisted Suicide Clinic will be there (for a fee, of course) and just the ticket for that last trip out of Dodge.

There will be an menu of options to choose from depending on what each Baby Bomber will want for an "end".

Like these:

Option #1 Tickle 'Em To Death:   Basically, the patient is placed on a slab, shoes and shirt/blouse removed.  Tickle the feet.  Tickle the pits.  A funny way to go.

Option #2 Scare 'Em To Death:  Also known as scare the shit of someone.  Lead the patient into Bob's Assisted Suicide haunted house.  The boogie man lives there as does Jack the Ripper, Chucky and Jason.   A scary way to go.

Option #3 Screw 'Em To Death:  Also know as fuck their brains out.  This option might be just the ticket off of this planet for former presidents, CEO's, and other celebrities who couldn't ever keep it in their pants.  Last all night porn stars would man the Option #3 station.  This would be an exhausting, sweaty, orgasmic way to go.   The Baby Bomber would really have to work on this one.

Option #4 Look Mom, no hands!:  A circus tightrope walker would escort the patient to either (a) to a big top circus tent and up onto the highwire or, (b) up the cables of the Golden Gate Bridge then instructed to walk the wire or the cable with their hands tied behind their back.  A banana peel will be strategically located somewhere along the Baby Bomber's path.  Oooops!

Option #4 For God and Country:  Here's a patriotic option for ya.  Strap the patient around an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missle (ICBM).  Aim that puppy at one of our non-friendly nations (and there's a bunch to choose from).  Or, place the patient on a large bomb loaded into a B-52.  Fly to an altitude of 60,000 feet, open the bomb bay doors, release the bomb and ride that puppy Slim Pickens/Dr. Strangelove style.  Either way, the patient is going out with a bang!

Gross?  Not nice?  Hells bells.....somebody has to do it.

Almost forgot..... for free of charge, a certain Rolling Stones song will be played at just the right moment for the clinic's most special of guests:

1 comment:

La Roo said...

I would go for the tickle and screw combo. :)

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Whiskeytown Lake, Very Northern California, United States