NO ONE KNOWS IT'S ME!

There are times when I don't want anyone to recognize me.

Like when I visit the adult book store.

Or at the local topless bar.

When I buy wine and beer at the supermarket. People think people like me don't drink.

Or have vices.

Or have ghosts in the closet.

When I don't want to be recognized so I become Mr. Cheesehead. I put on my cheesehead, the Raybans and VOILA - who is that guy? No one knows who Mr. Cheesehead is.

Right when I walk in the topless bar everyone shouts, "HEY, give us some head! Give us Mr. Cheesehead!!" And then the guys buy me a drink.

In the adult book store everyone keeps their head down and tries not to be recognized. Once I saw a man who works in high places there (no, not me . . . someone else!). He immediately recognized Mr. Cheesehead and hightailed it out of the adult book store . . for Mr. Cheesehead knows all and tells all.

I only go into the adult bookstore to buy toys and not for the porno. People who need porno have no sex life. Now Mr. Cheesehead is the most virile man you'd ever want to meet.

Look, up in the sky.... it's a bird, it's a plane, it's Mr. Cheesehead. Yes people, after a few drinks, Mr. Cheesehead can fly.

Sometimes I am Mr. Cheesehead in bed. That's all I can say because the wife gets soooo very angry when I write about that. She says, "What happens in bed stays in bed!" That's the name of that tune and I can hum it very well, thank you very much.

I'm meeting with some very important people this afternoon. They want to get to know me. They want me to work for them. And I want to put my best foot forward. Yes, Mr. Cheesehead will be appearing before this group of people. I want them to know the real me and yes, I will sing for them, "I Gotta Be Me!" After all, the first impression is a lasting impression.

They might as well know I'm a bit freaking nuts before they hire me . . . I mean, before they consider hiring someone who thinks of himself as Mr. Cheesehead.

I kind of like having two or more personalities. . . what's that called?