Monday, December 18, 2006

SUSPICIONS CONFIRMED!

You're not surprised, neither am I. When was the last time you ordered fast food and you didn't think that the cashier wasn't a shit.

You can find more fast food cashier shits in places other than Cow Town. In Cow Town 88% of the population are white anglos. Our fast food establishments are mostly staffed by white trash kids or 35 year old live at home "kids" who want to live a champagne life on mom and dad's buck.

In other places where fast food cashiers have not perfected the English language, shit happens. So does attitude. I find myself, in response to a cashier's question, saying, "Huh? What'd you say?"

I read the other day where one fast food chain is outsourcing the ordering of food via the fast food squawk box. You pull up, someone takes your order only it's from someone not in the restaurant, connected to you from distant locale (Hello India?) via satellite communication.

I can hardly wait to see one more American job be outsourced to a foreign country in the name of making a buck.

Have you thought about the word "shit". After seeing this sign I started thinking about all of the ways that we use the word shit these days. There's a bunch. Shit is very much in the English language whether you like it or not. For example:

"What a dumb shit." This has nothing to do with bowel movement aptitude.

"Holy shit!" Not related to the sermon your pastor gave on Sunday, this term is used when someone is surprised or scared. When that semi truck swerves into your lane of traffic, what do you say?

"That's some bad shit." This could mean several things: Like good or very bad as in horrible. In college I heard that term often. Then That's Some Bad Shit was a good thing.

"You're not shitting me, are you?" Not meant to mean anything but "are you kidding me?" but in those terms.

"You shit head!" No double meaning here, the person you say this to is very dumb or has done something very stupid. Their head does not have shit on it but you'd like to place a pile right on the tippy top of it.

"He has a shit attitude" usually used by employers to note that the handwriting is on the wall and that this guy is going to get the boot come Friday.

"I'm not taking any more of his shit!" It's not like you're actually handling someone elses shit but taking nonsense or flak from them. Taking someones shit, in literal terms, would be very stinky not to mention the mess.

"There's some bad shit coming down." is not something workers in a sewer say to each other when they hear a loud gushing sound coming their way. They probably say something else, like "HOLY SHIT!" The word shit usually associates with bad things and this meaning that something not very nice is going to happen.

"Shit happens." The law of gravity and digestion - what goes in has to come out. This also means that problems happen no matter how well you plan.

"I've got to get my shit together." or "Get your shit together!" Not meant to describe loose bowels (although it could be recommended to do that by your physician) this means for someone to get their life, their act, their marriage, their job or whatever back on track. Wives usually say this to their husband after he does something stupid.

"This smells like shit!" Who really knows what shit smells like other than moms or dads who change diapers. I'm so far removed from changing diapers I don't know what shit smells like. In medical terms, there must be good smelling shit from healthy people or bad shit from sick people or those who eat shit food (there's one more for you). Most people don't know the difference between good and bad shit smells. There has to be a difference.

"Shit sticks!" There is so such thing as shit on a stick. People say shit sticks when they're mad or frustrated instead of using the F word.

"I wasn't doing any of that shit! It was some other dude!!" said to law enforcement officers when they find a meth lab in their backyard. In the game of life (or Monopoly) this statement gets you a go straight to jail card and do not collect $200. "Some other dude" is responsible for 80% of all of the crime in America.

"He's got a shit life." or "Your life is shit!" Usually is about someone who's life is in the toilet, it's all messed up and stinky.

"She's a real shit!" or "You're being a real shit!" Meaning the person has done you wrong, done something that was stinky, horrible and something that others don't do to others. This has nothing to do with the person's expertise at moving their bowels.

"You piece of shit!" meaning the person has no value to you but you really love them with all your heart.

"This place is a real shit hole!" Used to describe a young boy's room by his mother.

"This tastes just like shit." Who would know what shit tastes like? Have you had a taste of honest to goodness shit lately or ever? But we still use this phrase. It must mean that whatever it is that tastes horrible that it's the most horrible of the horriblest.

"This thing is running like shit!" People use this phrase to tell the auto mechanic what they think is wrong with their car. Running like shit tells the mechanic all he needs to know: This person knows nothing and I can charge them double to fix something minor.

"He's shit out of luck or "SOL" Someone falling on hard times or one who made a mistake that cannot be recovered. SOL is used typically in the miliary.

"I don't give a shit" does not refer to being constipated. It usually means that someone does not care. I don't get how this phrase came to be used so much when it literally doesn't make any sense. If someone doesn't care why would they not want to shit or give some shit to someone else?

"He doesn't know shit from Shinola". Wow, who knows what Shinola is these days? Shinola can be brown and used to shine brown shoes. Shit can be brown. It's good to know the difference between the two. If you don't know the difference you'd be hearing that comment. But this is usually said about someone who has no clue about life and who stumbles throught their existence not knowing what end is up and if he's just used shit instead of Shinola to shine his shoes.

I'm out of shit. I can't believe all of the shit statements I came up with this morning, even on a Monday.

Enough of this shit blog and Bob's stupidity today.

Comment if you have any more shit saying to add. I'd like to hear from you shit heads out there who never comment about this blog.

Even if you don't, I give a shit!

I'm off to get my shit together.

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4 comments:

eweah@........ said...

Merda to all~~~ spelling is undoutedly 'off', but Spaniah FOR shit!!! I say it often at bowling! You're on a roll this morning Bobby! :))) @ 8:26a.m. 8th`g.g.r.(you should know who it is!)By the by, can you please explain WHY the 'word verification' always looks as if I need MORE drugs to dicpher???

Bob said...

More drugs are not the answer. Better drugs are. As they say, Merda happens! :)

Hey, I missed that one!

And yes I know who you are!

Anonymous said...

How about, "This is a crock of shit"....or "What a crock of shit"...Anything to do with crock... and shit.

And yes, you know who I am, too.

Bob said...

Marlon Brando. "You tub of shit!" From some western he was in.

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Whiskeytown Lake, Very Northern California, United States