WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO CLEAN THE DAMN TOILET?!

Wifey: There's pee around the toilet and it needs cleaning up.

Me: You're thinking that I peed around the toilet? I have you know that I earned a sharp shooters medal in the service. I aim. I shoot. Bob is deadly accurate.

Wifey: Get the bucket and mop and do what men do best: Clean up their own pee.

Me grumbling: Dam dogs. It has to be the dogs peeing around the toilet. Or is the wife peeing standing up again? Besides, I sit down when it's dark. Sharp shooters know to squat when there's no light. And hit their mark when there's light. Nothing to it.

It takes me 7 minutes to clean both bathrooms. I look for music. Everything But the Girl comes to mind and I find just the right song (this one). It plays on the "through out the house" music system.

I get down. I clean. Pee, I say, you're toast!

The job is finished and I figure out that I've got to take a leak. . . hmmm, lots of light. To sit down or not to sit down and mess up my clean job. . .

Oh to hell with it, damn the torpedoes, full stream ahead!

Which reminds me. During the stop over in San Francisco coming home from Vegas, BABY! I hit the men's head. Next to me was this poor old guy. Unit in one hand. Flush handle in the other. Looking to the sky and hoping for a stream. He moaned a bit. I like did my duty, washed my hands and this poor guy was still trying to take a leak.

So like any buddy I went around and turned on all of the sinks faucets and flushed all the toilets. Running water does a guy good, don't you know?

After all that the guy was still standing at the urinal, unit in hand, flush handle in the other and looking to a greater power for some help.

You too can clean the bathroom to this music. 7 minutes. That's all it takes.