SOFT AND BEAUTIFUL AS A BUTTERFLY

It was beyond words. It was the unthinkable. For what seemed to be no excusable reason or rationale, a dear friend gone forever.

The dog needed walking. So did I. We drove to the river trail, walked the Sun Dial Bridge. Picked a nice bench. Sat in the sun.

As I sat I did a lot of thinking in an attempt to calm down and to reconcile my emotions. While I sat the dog snoozed, curled up nice and cozy by my side, the warmth of the sun making for great sleeping.

It was quite a picture.

I watched two fishermen in their boat doing what fishermen do best: fiddling with this and that. Trying one bait and then another. Getting their fishing lines fouled. Never catching anything.

Later I tried my hand at photographing butterflies. There were so many that it appeared to be easy to snap at least one good photo. It wasn't that easy. I had the wrong camera for closeup photography and the butterflies were all over the place. Even the best picture is slightly out of focus.

As I blog this morning I remember an e-mail I just read from my good friend Carol. Yesterday Carol wrote this about Gail:

"She was a very special person in my life...like a butterfly...soft and beautiful in every way."

And I, in the deepest of grief, was photographing butterflies yesterday.

There has to be a connection.

I am angry. Now there are disturbing details surrounding the cause of Gail's death which are at the root of my anger and which should be cause for question. Could this have been prevented?

My friend Carol reminded me during a telephone phone conversation yesterday to always take the high road.

At this hour of the morning I find that taking the high road is difficult but I will.

I can't imagine what Gail's husband is feeling.