STUPID PEOPLE TRICKS:

"A SINGAPOREAN died of heart failure after his penis became stuck in a soft drink bottle, reported Sin Chew Daily and China Press.

The incident happened when the 77-year-old man used the bottle to masturbate.

China Press reported that the senior citizen got his private part into the bottle and only sought help after his penis could not be dislodged from the bottle despite trying various ways such as applying soap water.

Doctors tried to alleviate the man's suffering by cutting the bottle below the neck but to no avail because by that time, the skin around the penis had started to become inflamed, causing him to be unable to urinate.

His misadventure later led to other medical complications causing his death."

Had I attended his memorial service these words would have been spoken: "If you live by the bottle you must die by it." Or, small holes suck in big fools. Or I could have said, Once a jack off, always a jack off. Or maybe, A blowup doll would have been a better idea, don't you think?

So now what? Are soft drink bottlers now going to have to post warnings on each soft drink bottle?

CAUTION! Do not spank the money, choke the chicken, whack off or grease the pole with this bottle. Sexual use of this container may result in death, disfigurement or a broken boner.

When I first heard about this I wondered what I would have done had I been this old guy. On second thought, Bob could never stick his johnson in a soda bottle 'cause it would never fit! But if it did, I'd say, HELP! I'VE FALLEN. MY DICK IS IN A BOTTLE AND I CAN'T GET UP! GET THE HAMMER! BRING ON THE HAMMER! BREAK THE BOTTLE!! DAMN IT!! BREAK THE BOTTLE!

Then I thought about it..... That would probably slice and dice the entrapped unit beyond recognition. Or, it would be a new and inexpensive method of circumcision.

What would you have done?