TEN MINUTES

Lake Cowtown is but a ten minute drive from the house. I did that yesterday to check the lake level knowing that 16 inches of rain had fallen there since the 21st of February.

You're seeing less than an eighth of the lake here. It stretches from the left and around a bend for miles.

Yesterday I also checked out the berth we've reserved for the sailboat. The gates into each of the three sets of docks are locked and only those with the combination can get inside.

No one was around any of the boats. It was quiet, peaceful and cold. Too cold to be out on the lake.

I spend about 10 minutes on the dock when I see a guy coming down the hill like he was on a mission. It had to be Dockmaster Bob and it was. Bob lives near the docks and takes on the duty of making certain that no one is on them unless they've rented a slip. I like guys whose first names are Bob. Makes it easy to remember who the hell I'm talking to.

We have a nice talk about boats with holding tanks that contain toilet waste (not allowed on the lake, says Bob) and porta-potty's which are also not allowed by the Forest Service. This sounds pretty stupid to me me since most of the boats on the lake no doubt have one of the other of the two. The marina doesn't have a pump to empty holding tanks. Bob also says that you'd better not be caught carrying a porta-potty on the dock or there's a fat fine in store.

I'm thinking this is literally a bunch of shit. I go home and check the regulations that I signed off on in leasing the slip. Nope, no mention of holding tanks or porta-potty restrictions.

Most Bob's are full of B.S. They make things up a lot of the time. Bob's eyes are brown because he is full of shit. It takes a Bob to know one.

I call the Forest Service. Voice mail, how I hate it. No return call in 24 hours from the person in charge of lake poop. What part of public servant don't public servants get anyway? Once I get this person on the phone and she (yes, she) cops an attitude about a boat with a toilet I'm going to say, "Lady, don't give me any shit." That would the appropriate thing to say given the topic, don't you think?

You're wondering what people do that get the urge to "duty" while boating. The Forest Service have installed six to eight little floating outhouses on the lake. You sail up, get off, do your duty and get back on the boat. That's fine for ski and paddle around boats. What about the rest of us with our own on board outhouses?

I'll figure something out.