MOODY BOB


















For those of you who don't speak French do not read on.

For those who speak French, please pardon my French here!

'Tis the season and I'm in one of those moods. There are lots of moods that float through Bob's mind, body and soul.

Like the song, "Do you wanna funk with me" so aptly put by Sylvester.

Or Curtis Mayfield, "Pusherman" when I visit one of my assorted physicians.

Both songs make me feel so very "fly" and so very "sick".

Or sometimes its feeling like Tom Cruise in Top Gun, "I feel the need, I feel the need for speed!"

Then there's that Dirty Harry attitude I often cop, "I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"

Sometimes I long to be somewhere else . . . anywhere but Cowtown, where it's warm, the beach filled with butt flossed lovelies and there's always a blue drink with fruit on top in my hand. When this mood hits home you'll hear me humming or singing:

"I want to go back to little grass shack
In Kealakekua, Hawai`i
I want to be with all the kanes and wahines
That I used to know long ago."

Then there's the December holiday season. That's when the fuck you fucking fuck mood comes on like a tropical storm. I really hate December for what it's become.

Buy. Buy. Buy. Then on December 26th, return it, return it, return it! Fuck you fucking fucks!

Stupid shoppers who pick their noses while fondling all of the goods in the department store. It's hell to shop when you have to stumble over people who don't know what they hell they're doing. So, fuck you fucking fucks! Me? No screwing around. Know what you want. Get in. Get out. Be done with it.

The "let's remember those who are needy" mentality that only hits some people once a year. . . what happens to the needy the other 11 months? Maybe it's a matter of out of sight out of mind or perhaps the conscience of some only functions during the month of December. So, fuck you fucking fucks!

Christmas has become like New Year's Eve where a lot of people just have to go out and just have to have a good time even if it kills them. And sometimes it does. Christmas to those in retail is about making their nut for the year. Christmas to more than a few is about "what are you going to get me this year?" Fuck you fucking fucks!

This is not about being Scrooge and being bah, hum bug! It's about all of those other things that Christmas has become and not what it should be.

I am fond of a quote of one of our former presidents and I'll leave you with that. It's what December and every other month of the year should be all about:

"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas."

Calvin Coolidge

That's what I'm talking about. Those are the real gifts of Christmas.

BTW: I'm still in that mood. Don't expect anything different until 2009. So here: FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCKS!

Oh yes, did I mention that California property taxes are due December 10th? How's that for a Merry Christmas.

HO HO HO HO HO!