Been There Saw That

I was a kid about 9 years old.  Swimming at the city pool.  It was a hot day and naturally the pool was filled with lots of kids. 

About half way through the afternoon a half dozen whistles started tweeting.  Lifeguards running all over the place blowing their whistles.  I was thinking somebody really broke the rules and their ass was in big duty. 

The pool got kind of quiet and about that time the lifeguards switches from tweeting to, "Everybody out of the pool!!  Out of the pool!  Out of the pool!!". 

Mid pool in my swim to the edge I noticed something brown on the bottom of the pool.  It was long, shaped like a turd.  By golly, it has to be a turd.  I hurried up my swim to the edge and quickly got out of the pool. 

Yuck, I thought.  Who would poop in the pool?  Don't you have to sit down to poop?  Man, whoever can poop standing up or better yet while swimming has got talent.

As they say, shit happens even when you're swimming.

Me:  I'd like to pull a trick on Gracie next time she's swimming at the Elks Lodge.

Wifey:  What kind of trick?

Me:  I'd unwrap a Baby Ruth candy bar and toss it into the pool.  Then I'd yell to Grace to swim over to where I tossed it in and say, "Hey Gracie...there's a prize for you at the bottom of the pool.  Come on over, dive in and get it."   The expression on Grace's face would be too funny when she saw what the prize was.

Wifey:  They'll throw your ass out of the Lodge and ban you.

Me:  The Elks would not be getting any virgin.  Besides, it would be worth it.  If they threw me out I'd just join the Moose Lodge.  No big deal.  Anyway, I think their swimming pool is larger.

I've always loved Baby Ruth bars.  There are so many uses for them.