Do Not Make Me Wait!

I hate waiting for anyone, especially physicians or people who check your eyes and calls themselves doctor. 

Make me wait and you'll be sorry.  I learned to hate waiting while I was in the military.  Heard the old saying, Hurry up and wait?  That's the military way.  I vowed once out of the military never to wait for anyone.  Ever!  And I don't. 

Take yesterday and my appointment with the doctor who calls herself a doctor but who really isn't.  An optometrist.  Not an eye doctor.  Not.  Can an optometrist operate?  Can they prescribe good feeling drugs?  Nope.  Not a doctor.

So I go through all these bullshits tests that are required each year just to renew my contact lenses prescription (yeah, one of two things this kind of "doctor" can order for you).  Look up.  Look down.  How does this look?  Etc.

Then comes time to dialate the eyes.  Oh yeah, my favorite part of the whole visit.  Go ahead, make me blind.  So the so called doctor squirts a liquids that burns my eyes like hell (if I didn't need glasses this is sure to fry my eyes so that I'll need them anyway!).  Damn, that hurts!

She says, "I'll be back shortly."  I know what that means.  Shortly in this business is not shortly, people.  So I sit.  And I sit.  20 minutes go by.  I can't stand waiting.

So I do what I do when I want attention.  I act like I'm nuts.  It's an easy thing.  Start clucking like a chicken.  It's cool.  The sounds of the clucking chicken echoes off of the walls.   Harmonic.  Almost like doing the meditation Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm! sound.  

So I cluck songs.  Christmas songs.  Sleigh Bells Ringing is a favorite.  Silent Night comes next.

It gets quiet in the office outside my examination room.  I know they're listening.  I cluck louder.  So what are they going to do to me for clucking?  Call the rooster police? 

Soon an assistant comes in and asks, "Mr. Watson?  Are you okay?"

Hell yes, I answer back.  I don't give a cluck about anything except when I wait 20 minutes for someone to check my dialated eyes.  CLUCK! CLUCK!  BEEE-GAWK!

That got results.  The "doctor" was there, checked me out and I was gone.

In case you're wondering, I sound like this.....and if you ever want to get someone on the stick, . . . like your physician who's making you wait and wait. . . .just cluck it up a bit.  You'll be surprised what that brings you.