Thursday, May 27, 2010

Let's Talk Seniors

We get all kinds of shit mail.  Advertisements.  Catalogues for every Tom, Dick and Harry mail order business in the world.  If there's junk mail out there to send, we get it in our mailbox.

As we've gotten older the type of mail began to change.  A couple of months ago we started to get stuff about hearing aids.  Granted I don't have the best hearing.  Mainly the issue around that is about not being able to hear well because I can.  It's about selective hearing.  I only hear what I want to hear.  It's a guy thing.  Take for example Wifey's requests to like take out the garbage.  I never hear her say that.  But Wifey claims that she tells me to take out the garbage most every day.  No hearing aid out there can help selective hearing.

Last month came the ads for walkers.  Like I'm on my last legs?  Far from it.  Geeze!  A walker.  I'd get one if there were beer can holders and an ice chest on it.   Now that would be handy and something I could use every day.

Then came the ads for motorized scooters.  You've seen them.  They're usually red, have a basket on the front and are for old farts who can't get around any more.  Bob's way far from needing one of those although I'd love to have one to rid in Walmart.  I'd be playing bumper car with the idiots who block the aisles with their baskets and their load of screaming kids.  Wham!  Bam!  Get out the way, Mam!

How do they figure out who needs stuff like this anyway?  Probably an age thing. That said,  I have to thank our investment brokerage for selling our name to these businesses (junk mail is usually address to our trust).  Everyone seems to be making the statement that 40 is the new 30, that 50 is the new 40 and so on.  This is supposed to make you feel better with every birthday.   If this is true then please stop sending shit mail to those of us who (a) don't need and will never need things like this and (b) adjust the age grouping its sent to.  Many of us are not getting older.  We're staying young in mind, body and spirit. 

The kicker to this post:  Yesterday this comes in the mail, a postcard titled:  Let's Talk Seniors.  It was from a nearby senior retirement home who's sponsoring three talks (but who really want to sell you on buying one of their residences) on Maintaining Brain Health (sorry, any hope of maintaining brain health was lost in the 60's & 70's), Depression (yes, I'm depressed about the state of the USA, how it is run and what our future holds - will this lecture help me?) and Communicating with Different Personalities (women are from Venus and men from Mars and never the twain shall meet - there will never be any intelligent communicating between the sexes).

I guess these are topics of interest to older people who think they can maintain brain health after burning up so many brain cells over the years all due to booze, dope, smoking and knocks on the head.  And I suppose there are those older people who become depressed and need to deal with that.  I feel for them.  Communicating with Different Personalities . . . that's laughable.  Seniors who need a lecture on that topic are indeed hopeless.  At that stage of their life if they have not figured out how to communicate with all types of people they'd better pack it it in.  It's a little late to change, don't ya think?

The kicker of the little postcard that came yesterday was this:  "Please come early and enjoy a complimentary meal.  Dinner is served at 12:30 p.m."

Dinner is served at 12:30 p.m.?!  So if their target audience enjoys dinner at 12:30 p.m. it can only mean that these people hit the sack and it is lights out at 4 or 5!   

Motorized scooters, walkers, hearing aids, dinner at 12:30 p.m.  LET'S NOT TALK SENIORS!  It doesn't sound like any fun to me.

But I might go for the free "dinner".   Ya think?


La Roo said...

I'm now gonna give you shit.
I have a little red scooter with a basket!

I know what you mean though. I just had to let it be known. :)

I use mine mostly to do yard work because my chair doesn't do grass very well. Also for long walks and negotiating fucked up sidewalks.

Damn, I'm so prepared for getting older. While all the rest are having to make those hard decisions, I will be tanning my little tushy in Cancun with it all that bull wrapped up.


DNA said...

Hey! We noticed that you are never too old to receive senior mail. Yes, we receive it too. In fact my husband got something from a retirement home. I love it when I get mail for my parents, and we live in a different state. My dad is always getting mail about hearing aids. I think that is a sign??

Bob said...

Laroo: I want a ride. Okay?

DNA: Whatever the age, you're always too young for senior mail. Before Senior Mail there was plan for retirement crap. Then there was Time Share dinner invitations but you have to sit throught the pitch to buy one crap. When I start getting invitations for time share burial plot dinner invitation I'll be starting to get worried.

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Whiskeytown Lake, Very Northern California, United States