Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Head Ranger?

A fellow in uniform approached me on the dock yesterday.  I was busy scrubbing Sparkle Plenty's rich in algae bottom but I took time to stop for a moment to introduce myself.  This guy in uniform said he was the Head Ranger for the Whiskeytown National Park. Hmmm.   Head Ranger,  What the hell kind of a title is that.  What's his job description say about being Head Ranger?  What exactly does this guy do?  My mind started whirling.

Never short of an imagination a million Bob definitions of this guy's job title came to mind as I watched the Head Ranger stroll back down the dock to his green and white Parks Service SUV.

Head Ranger #1:  "Hi, I'm the Head Ranger and I'm checking for heads.  I see that you're entering the park with no head.  Sorry.  No headless people are allowed in the park.  Come back with a head and I'll let you in."

Head Ranger #2:  "Hello, I'm the Head Ranger here to make certain that all of the heads in the park are on the range and working.  Can't have any heads that are covered in poop and pee.  Got to be clean, smelling and looking good with lots of t-p in them."

Head Ranger #3:  "Hi there.  I see you're sitting alone in your car.  I thought for a moment that there was a woman with her head in your lap.  I know what that means.  That's a definite no-no.   Can't be having no head in the park.  None.  Zero.  Nada.  Zilch.  No head."

Head Ranger #4:  "Hey there.  I'm the Head Ranger.  This means I'm top dog, leader of the pack, honcho numero one, the lead guy, the go to person, where the buck stops, also known as Ass Hole to many.  What can I do you for?"

Head Ranger #5:  "Yo, Dude.  Let me check your beer.  I'm the Head Ranger and I'm here to make certain that every beer has a good head on it.  Let me shake up that can of beer you're going to open next.  That will put a big head on this next puppy.     You'll be getting real big head on your next brewski.  Here . . .this Bud's for you, Dude!"

I'll have to run each of these scenarios by the Head Ranger when next we meet.  It would be great to know what kind of a Head Ranger this guy is.


La Roo said...

I like #3., I would ...huh?
Sounds like you have some real characters at the docks. This could be the beginning of a story.

Anonymous said...

That's just hilarious! I want to go with you when next you visit and ask him which one he is -ROFL.

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Whiskeytown Lake, Very Northern California, United States