Saturday, April 28, 2012

Life's Minor Irritations

Back in the day (which wasn't that long ago) when dogs freely roamed neighborhoods, there was always at least one male dog who would pee on my freshly blackened tires and shiny wheels.  It would always happen within hours after I had spent hours readying the "rod" for a night on the town.  I'm not talking a few drops of urine.  I'm talking like 8 - 16 ounces of yellow, disgusting, stinky pee.  Gross. 

When this damn dog took a leak on my car I'd kind of go nuts.  Grrr.  I'd jump up and down.  Cuss up a storm.  I wanted to kill that MoFo!  Throw rocks at anything that moved.  Lay awake at night scheming how to trap the male who desrespected me by peeing on my pride and joy.  I thought of putting electric fence wire all around the tires.  One drop of pee and that dog's ding dong would be feeling pain.  Or, I could lay in wait in a bush neat the car, armed with my trusty Red Ryder b-b gun (if you don't know who Red Ryder is please stop reading this blog). 

This went on through most of my high school years until weekend after weekend there wasn't a trace of pee on the tires or wheels.  Puzzling, I thought.   What happened?  These things don't stop just like that? 

A month later I learned that Butch, a St Bernard, who lived with a not so nice family half a block down the hill, had been hit by a car.  Old Butch didn't make it.  It just had to be Butch who was doing the nasty deed.   Had to be him.   How could I have missed such a large animal trotting down the driveway just to take a whiz?  Almost impossible. 

Then I thought again.  Hmmmmm.  Could it have been my little brother peeing on my tires when he was peed off at me (which was often. ..I wasn't a very good big brother)? 

I confronted my brother, "Who's peeing on the tires of my car?  I'm going to beat the pee out of whoever is doing that!!" 

Little brother smirked,  "I don't know."  "Well, I'm waiting for them.  Spread the word," I said.

Interestingly, the tires and wheels remained pee free for the remainder of my time in high school.  To this day I have no clue who or what was peeing on my car.

But I have my suspicions. 

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Whiskeytown Lake, Very Northern California, United States