Going Camping?

Here's a cheap fix doo-hickey to light up your next tent camping experience.  Empty gallon jug.  Head lamp strapped around it with the bulb facing inward.  Bingo.  Ambient light in your tent.  How utterly romantic!!!  Or, utterly illuminating......

My idea of camping these days is a room at Motel 6.  That's roughing it.

Life's Minor Irritations

Back in the day (which wasn't that long ago) when dogs freely roamed neighborhoods, there was always at least one male dog who would pee on my freshly blackened tires and shiny wheels.  It would always happen within hours after I had spent hours readying the "rod" for a night on the town.  I'm not talking a few drops of urine.  I'm talking like 8 - 16 ounces of yellow, disgusting, stinky pee.  Gross. 

When this damn dog took a leak on my car I'd kind of go nuts.  Grrr.  I'd jump up and down.  Cuss up a storm.  I wanted to kill that MoFo!  Throw rocks at anything that moved.  Lay awake at night scheming how to trap the male who desrespected me by peeing on my pride and joy.  I thought of putting electric fence wire all around the tires.  One drop of pee and that dog's ding dong would be feeling pain.  Or, I could lay in wait in a bush neat the car, armed with my trusty Red Ryder b-b gun (if you don't know who Red Ryder is please stop reading this blog). 

This went on through most of my high school years until weekend after weekend there wasn't a trace of pee on the tires or wheels.  Puzzling, I thought.   What happened?  These things don't stop just like that? 

A month later I learned that Butch, a St Bernard, who lived with a not so nice family half a block down the hill, had been hit by a car.  Old Butch didn't make it.  It just had to be Butch who was doing the nasty deed.   Had to be him.   How could I have missed such a large animal trotting down the driveway just to take a whiz?  Almost impossible. 

Then I thought again.  Hmmmmm.  Could it have been my little brother peeing on my tires when he was peed off at me (which was often. ..I wasn't a very good big brother)? 

I confronted my brother, "Who's peeing on the tires of my car?  I'm going to beat the pee out of whoever is doing that!!" 

Little brother smirked,  "I don't know."  "Well, I'm waiting for them.  Spread the word," I said.

Interestingly, the tires and wheels remained pee free for the remainder of my time in high school.  To this day I have no clue who or what was peeing on my car.

But I have my suspicions. 

Travel for Pennies

Wow!  A Vespa powered camper.  How absolutely economical.  If you're a loner, this is for you.  Actually, buy one for the girl friend and a second Bufalino for you.  I think you'd still come out ahead.

Here's a piece written on this little camper:

"Here is the Bufalino camper from the German designer, Cornelius Comanns, which has been meticulously designed to meet the basic needs of one person during the periods of travel. Designed as flexible and economic, the construction of Bufalino Camper is based on a three wheeled piaggio APE 50 vehicle and most of its parts including the frame, the chassis, and engine are derived from the original. Featuring all the facilities that a man enjoys at home (a bed, two seating units, a cooking zone a refrigerator etc.) and would need to survive as well as spend his time with ease and comfort while traveling, Bufalino gives the user range, immense pleasure and opportunity to move on and explore the wild."

They say necessity is the mother of invention.  With gas prices going up, up  and up there's bound to be work arounds like this on the market.

Cozy!

But Four Months Of Age

Kinzie has her own fenced area.  It's under a large tree which shades her not only from the sun but also serves as protection for Kinzie from hawks.  A 2.5 pound pup would be nothing for a bird of prey to scoop her up for dinner.  We have to be alert when she's free to roam the backyard.

Grace is whistling something while displaying something artistic she created last Monday.

I had a CT scan this morning.  Interesting process.  While waitinig to be released, four deputies escorted a felon into the room next to mine.  He was shackled but none the less, the powers to be felt it necessary to send four armed guards to keep others from harms way.   I wonder what crime this man had comitted to warrant such public protection. 

Cowtown's Best?

Gee, it's been over a week since the last post.  What the hell have I been doing?  When the sun shines you can bet your bottom dollar that this boy isn't sitting around a computer writing about stupid, trivial stuff.  I'm out doing it.  The past week or more has been ripe for just that. 

So lookee here.  People busted and sitting in the slammer.  How'd you like to meet these characters in a dark alley.  Hmmmm.  Defintely not Cowtown's finest.  This guy up above.  What do you think he was thinking when he tatted all that shit on his face?  Probably wasn't thinking. 

Is this the hair-do of tomorrow.  She has to be someone's mom.  Picture Junior, who probably is a good looking, well employed kid (I like to think the best of our youngsters) bringing a date home to meet dear old mom.  I don't think the date would be coming back for Thanksgiving dinner.

And this idiot.  A Nazi deal on his chest.  How utterly stupid.  Yes, this is a free country (not really) but there should be limits on decency.  If I were the judge sentencing this guy part of any parole condition would be to remove that damn thing and to never ever put ink on his body like that never ever again.   At the very least his dad should take this lad to the woodshed for a lesson in civility.

I finished waxing the sides of the boat yesterday and scubbed the deck.  This morning my neck and back are telling me that I did too much.  Interior work this morning (cleaning and organizing).  Wifey and I will shop for kitchen counter tile for one of the rentals.  Busy is as busy does.

Midnight In Harlem

An Oreo Cookie and Milk

Ever wondered where you had your first taste of an Oreo cookie?  Was it mom and cookies or milk out of the carton and and an Oreo?  Likely the latter.  Ever dunk your Oreo in milk?  Loved that.

Apparently this photo was snapped by a Korean ad agency destined for limited viewing in that country.  Limited?  Ha.  In this world of Internet nothing is sacred or safe from publication. 

Some find offense with this photo and I betcha each one of them live in America.  I think it's cute.  What do you think?

It's A Wifey Workout

This photo of Wifey's workout was published in a Wine Country newspaper more than a few years ago. 

Where's all the guys?

Even today Wifey still hits the gym for a workout.  She's definitely a creature of habit and has very low blood pressure to show for this effort.  Lucky girl.

Thought For The Day

Takes Money to Make Money

Did you know:

Next time you feel like giving someone your 2 cents, you won't need more than a penny. That's because when you factor in materials, manufacturing costs and overhead, it took 2.4 cents to produce a single Lincoln cent last year, the U.S. Mint says.

Those nickels hiding in your sofas and purses are pricey, too. It cost roughly 11.2 cents to make one U.S. nickel -- like the penny, more than double the coin's face value.

Critics suggest it's time for the Mint to start pinching its pennies. A bill before Congress would mandate a switch to a cheaper metal -- steel -- for pennies and nickels. It's about time!

Ever wonder who's minding the store?

The Task At Hand

Okay, enough silliness about packing up and living out of a trailer.  Who am I trying to kid anyway?  Time to get down to the business of sailing.  What lurkes behind the locked gates of our home is a 25 foot monster who's begging to be waxed beofre she goes in the water.  Cleaning and waxing the exterior of this puppy is no easy task.

I should really hire someone to do that.  Really, I should.  It's likely there's an unemployed lad out there needing money for groceries who would jump at the chance to wash and shine Sparkle Plenty.  I just might do that.

This being said, a good workout giving SP a handjob (mind out of the gutter, please) would be what the good doctor ordered.  So it's a toss-up.  So what's it going to be:  Money paid to a staving lad with a family or a pretty good workout for Bob?

The time is fast approaching to launch SP for the season.  Better either shit or get off the pot on this one.

Ya think?

This Just In

Wifey says she'll help me pack.  "Go ahead", she says.  "I'm staying here.  You go have fun."

What to do.  What to do.  What to do.  Stay or go alone.

There's always a price to pay for adventure.

We're Cashing Out ----Leaving Town

Wifey and I just finished watching the Long, Long Trailer and we're convinced this is life for us.  No lawn to mow.  No dishes to wash (paper plates, plastic utensils, Solo cups).  Good-bye property taxes.  Maritial bliss (just watch the movie . . .you'll see).  Ahhh, that's the life for us.

Good-bye Cowtown. . .hello wild blue yonder!

I Could Go For That. .. Then Again, Could I Go For That?

An old favorite put in 21st century terms.....Can you go for that?

Classical Orgasm

Symphonic orgasm.  Try it.

What's Your Sign?

What's your sign?  If I had my druthers my sign would be the one you see here.  Hamm's Beer!  It used to grace the top of Hamm's brewery in San Francisco.  It was really cool.  The beer glass would fill with yellow and when empty it would turn to blue.  One of a kind. 

The brewery and this sign are long gone.  An article this week in the San Francisco paper mentioned it and asked readers if they knew what had happened to the Hamm's sign.  Hope they find it. 

The Doggie Diner sign was another favorite.  I'd mount this puppy on top of the house.  People would drive by and yell, "BOB, YOU DOG, YOU!"

Like the Hamm's sign this one is long gone, too.  Damn it was cool.  Why do people who do things get rid of cool shit like these signs?  There ought to be a law.

You ever eat at a Doggie Diner?  My favorite location, and there were a handful, was Van Ness Ave at Golden Gate.  Late night rockin' out in the City come time to drive an hour north to home and I had the muchies.  Stop at the Doggie Diner, buy a dog, any dog, maybe a couple and munched my way home.

I was stopped by the highway patrol once while driving home and eating something from Doggie Diner.  The cop asked if I had been drinking and I said hell, no (I was kind of fibbing). . .. Officer, I said, you ever try driving and holding your weenie at the same time?  It's a bitch!

He kind of looked at me and then I help up my foot long weenie Doggie Diner special.  Sorry officer, I said, I'd better pull over and finish this in case someone else thinks I'm driving under the influence of Doggie Diner. 

I still have a wrapper from Doggie Diner.  Funny that years later it's survived and rests in my box of keepsakes.  Since Doggie Diner is no more it's a keeper.  Ya think?

Got The Itch To Sail (away).........

Bee Sting!!!

Late yesterday afternoon little 2 1/2 pound Kinzie was stung on the tummy by a bee.  Not good for a creature this size.  This had the potential to do in our little girl.    Fortunately there was a supply of Benedryl in the house.  We quickly cut a tablet into an eighth and saw that the little pup downed it.  After removing the stinger Wifey cut a quick trail to the vet's office.

I believe that a quick reaction saved Kinzie's life.  Whew!

A Look At Life Without Gasoline

With a gallon of gas headed towards five bucks, it's going to be every man, woman and child for them selves.  It's gonna be a Mad Max world, people!

Count Em

How many?  Seventy-two all together.  Asters.  In this planter located in the center of the backyard lawn area.  I had planned on putting these little jewels into the soil but Wifey really wanted that job more than I.  She's a down on her knees, feel the earth, get dirty, loves to make mud-pies kind of lady.

Now if I can only get the three dogs from romping through the Asters in due time they'll grow and be lovely.  Somehow the pups take delight in running through this area, locating a stray cow turd that hasn't been broken up, rolling around in the wet soil and just plain get dirty (which they do seem to enjoy).

Unfortunately (or fortunately), dogs will be dogs.

Whatta Schnozz

I'm looking a little like Jimmy Durante.  You probably don't remember Jimmy.  He's a celebrity from the 30's and 40's.  Known for his nose, his songs and maybe his acting.

When I look in the mirror I think WOW, I've got a schnozz just like Durante!!

And there it is.  Swollen.  Red.  Scabby.  What you're looking at is three weeks of treatment to rid my schnozz of skin cancer.  Basal cell carcinoma to be exact.  Serves me right.  Never used sun block.  Now look at me. 

I look at it this way:  This is much better than being sliced and diced.  You see, when nose cartilege is removed . .. that's one thing.  No big deal.  Only thing cartilege does not regenerate.  Any slicing or dicing on the old schnozz leaves craters that never fill in.  That's why I like the application of a cream that causes the basal cells to die and leaving no scarring.  I just look like hell, that's all.  People stare.  I tell them the wife bopped me a good one.  You should call the cops, they say.  I smile.

Three more weeks of medication.  Half way through.  I can do it. 

JFK Sailing

There's something to be said about a man who loves to sail and who does it regularly.  John Kennedy was that. . .there's a lot to be said (and not said) about our former President who seemed to find relaxation and peace on the water. 

I find sailing to be Zen like in nature.  Peace.  Harmony.  In tune with the elements.  Almost like meditation. 

They say that once you learn how to ride a bike you'll never forget how.  True.  Sailing is like that.  Once you've mastered the art of sailing, you'll always be a sailor and you'll always be able to sail most any craft.  Apart from hoisting the sails there's a fair amount of skill required to sail from point A to B and C then home again. 

Then there's emergencies a sailor must be able to manage.  Coping with someone falling overboard while under full sail and lots of wind.  If a component in the rigging breaks then what?   Knowledge of how to manage injuries of a passenger when there's no one else to help. What if the boat takes on water?  Then what? 

Driving the boat is one thing.  Doing that and everything else well is yet another.

I think of John Kennedy as a good skipper who could manage any problem on the water.  As President, it was also JFK's job to manage any problem on his "watch".  Good sailors can multi-task and translate skills learned at sea into most anything on land.  He did just that (well, most of the time).

7th Time's A Charm?

Starting out by marrying his cousin back in the 50's wasn't enough, Jerry Lee Lewis has done it again:  He recently married wife number 7.  Lucky 7?  Hmmmm.  Wife number 6 sure wasn't lucky. 

Some of us have to keep trying until we get it right.  Old Jer Lewis is just one of those guys.  He's like the Ever Ready Bunny who keeps marrying and marrying. ... and marrying.  You'd think he'd learn and just shack up.  He'd be a whole lot of money ahead.

Here's a picture of the newly weds.  She's like 62 something.  He's 76. 

The wedding toast was simple.  Shots of Geritol followed by Jer snorting three lines of crushed Viagra. No doubt he was looking for that Kodak moment . .. an erection lasting for over 36 hours (that does happen according to the TV ads).  That's when the old man climbs on the piano to pound out GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

I hope they post that on You Tube.

Ain't love grand?