I had hoped that the next visit to my physician was for having an erection that lasted more than 36 hours. Okay, I heard what you said ..."in your dreams, Bob". Yeah, I'm dreaming.
Unfortunately, the visit to the old family doc was for blood pressure that was way over the top. And I mean wayyy over the top. Like the kind that makes for strokes, heart attacks and not for erections lasting more than 36 hours.
A while back I bought one of these knowing that the old BP had to be creeping up. It just felt that way. I eat fairly healthy. Okay, maybe 75% healthy. Never smoked (but once in a while inhaled). Exercise. Do all the stuff the TV ads say one should do once we reach the ripe old age of 39.
But ya know, it's nearly impossible to eat healthy in this culture. Really, it is. Unless you cook everything at home. .. eat organic, eat nothing salted, eat most things that grow in the grown and don't have eyes and walk on four legs (and sometimes two) you're gonna stop up those little tubes that run through out your little bitty body.
It's the salt. It's the fat. It's a whole bunch of things that clog, choke, strangle arteries. Given a lengthy time on this earth, which I've enjoyed, eating even an once in a while fast food dinner, pizza, chicken wing, steak dinner. .. or whatever, is going to catch up with you. Genetics figure in here somewhere whether this becomes an issue or not .. .like I'm pissed off being of Europeon descent which translates into cracker colored skin that is also fair game for skin cancer. Damn, I wish dear old dad had been someone of color. Italians eat everything, don't they? Olive oil. Pizza with everything on it. . .. you name it. Don't they like live forever?
Okay, the monitor. Good thing to have around the house. You got one of those bread machines? Same thing. A blood pressure monitor is something like that. . ya gotta have it. It's an appliance. A must have.
So, two days ago I'm not feeling so good. Like I'm feeling stuffed, like a balloon that's going to pop. Light headed. A bit dizzy. So I think I'm going to save 100 bucks by not going to the doc and haul out the machine, hook myself up and HOLY SHIT. ... I'm freaking dying here. . . blood pressure enough to propel a rocket to the moon!
Over the next couple of days I take the pressure and write down each reading. Never good. Always high. I wonder if I should go to the ER. .. am I gonna stoke out? Which I really don't care if I do as long as it's a done deal, lights out, dig the hole and put me in it. It's stroking out that puts me in a chair drooling for the rest of my life without enough strength to put a 38 in my mouth and pull the trigger. That would be hell on earth. Have a friend who was placed in a home last week and it aint' good. Can't feed himself. Can't talk. Shits and pisses himself. He would have never wanted that. Actually, who would want that?
To my surprise this guy deals with the elevated blood pressure levels like it's no big deal. Prescribes something, tells me to call in 5 days if the levels are the same or higher (what if I'd dead, I wonder). If the medication is not working the doc says he'll prescribe something else.
What's interesting and causes some concern if that there was no mention of don't eat this, eat that, get in and have your blood drawn, avoid strenuous exercise and no monkey sex resulting in 36 hour erections. Hmmmm, was he having a bad day and didn't feel like talking or worse yet, doing his job? Maybe I should find about family physician.
Well, I know what to do: change the diet even more that it has been changed avoiding salt like the plague. Fat has pretty much gone by the wayside so no worry there with one exception: that damn nightly scoop of ice cream. That has to go. Damn, and so do chicken wings, pizza with cheese and all the toppings (read a suggestion to cut the fat/sodium by asking for no cheese and go vegetarian toppings). Canned tomatoes for my pasta sauce have to go (too much salt - check the labels), canned beans used on our salads are loaded with salt.....the list goes on and on. All this said, who ever said that life isn't about making adjustments was absolutely spot on.
Am I worried? A little. .. enough to be cautious and focus on what needs to be done. Diet. Exercise more than usual. Cut down on the monkey sex and 36 hour erections that glow in the dark.
As for you, buy one of these little gadgets. The small unit that attaches to the wrist is 50 bucks on Amazon. Deal. Sooner or later you're blood pressure will be over the top (yes it will, believe it) and you will have wished that you had made adjustments to your lifestyle sooner and not later and used this little gadget to monitor your progress.
And now you know the rest of the story. Good day.......