Saturday, May 11, 2013

Things About Me?

The other day I cruised a couple of blogs that were new to me.  On one blog someone had taken the time to list 100 things about her.  Yup, 100 things.  That started me to thinking.  Are there 100 things worth listing here that are seemingly unique and interesting?  Who would care about anyone's 100 habits, quirks, or neurotic behaviors? 

This particular blog with the "100 things" also listed some of her sexual preferences and bedroom habits complete with a detailed notations of varying exploits in the bedroom.  Ahh, one of those kiss and tell ladies. 

I could make list of stuff.  A lot of "stuff" would not be shared.  Guys who kiss and tell or talk out of school are real cruds, don't you think?   Besides, why incriminate myself?

Bob's Very Partial Non-Inclusive Listing of Stuff

1.  Salads don't have meat in them. Meat is meat and salad is salad and never the twain shall meet.

2.  I can only sleep on one side of the king sized bed that is shared with Wifey.  Having slept on that side for all of my life this old dog can't learn a new trick of sleeping on the opposite side.

3.  It's difficult to look people in the face who have hairs hanging way out their nose...ear hairs, too.

4.  I get the urge to kill when I see someone pick their nose.

5.  Buttermilk is a favorite drink and also used in mashed potatoes.  It's the Nebraska side of me.

6.  Speaking of the Corn Husker state, corn is a favorite, too.  Winner winner corn for dinner.

7.  If they'd allow it, I'd be in the Middle East serving in a front line battle unit.  Look for the guy with rocket launcher.  Don't you think it makes sense to send old farts to war and not sacrifice our youngest and our finest?  If the old farts were made to serve in lieu of the youngsters there would be a hell of a lot less fighting in this world.

8.   KFC, pasta, tacos, Roundtable pizza a medium rare grilled New York or a grilled split chicken, shrimp dipped in cocktail sauce, Spumoni ice cream anytime, anywhere, any place.  Just not all at the same time.

9.  Showers not baths.

10.  Turn-on:  Intelligent, mature, self actualized women. 

11. Turn off:  People who thrust their sexual or political agendas onto everyone else.  Politicians who promise pie in the sky and once elected become sleeze ball promise breakers.  Hillary most likely would have been a much better president.

12.  One must have short term goal:  Small convertible getting great mileage. 

13.  Something purchased that should be used more frequently:  Fifth wheel trailer. 

14.  Being herded like cattle in an airport is no longer an option.  Drive.  Train.  Bus (well, not really).  Boat.  Anything but flying. 

15.  Have you ever slept in a motel or hotel that didn't give you the creeps.....even four or five star hotels?  If it doesn't you've not seen the 60 Minute piece on the subject.  I hate and avoid them like the plague (which is why the fifth wheel was purchased).  Did I ever tell you the story about our dog who, when staying at a hotel (she's a therapy dog and can stay anywhere), always finds some shit either under the bed or dresser or in a closet that should have been removed?  Did I ever tell you the story of the employees I sent to a conference in Oakland who found a used condum under their bed?  'Nuff said.

15.  There's something about tall, long legged, redheaded women that float my boat ... . :)

16. Lacking 4 units to graduate high school (all due to failing p.e. in the senior year, yeah, p.e.) I later earned an AA, BA & and MA.. . without a high school diploma or equivalent.   Am I proud of that?  You bet your sweet ass I am.  I never wanted to attend high school let alone earn a diploma.  High school was such a waste of time.

17.  People who wear shorts to dine in a fine restaurant piss me off as do those who wear hats while eating.  Then there's those who put their elbow on the table and lean on it all through the meal.  Grrr.  I won't go into my feelings about people who double dip at cocktail parties.  YUCK!  Oh, and buffets?  No way, Jose.  Don't get me started on people who pick their teeth at the table. 

The more I learn about people the more I love my dogs.

18.  No sharing food.  I'll eat mine.  You eat yours. 

19.  Cleavage cause me to involuntarily salivate.  Slurp!  Mom should have breast fed Bob.

20.  I do colonoscopy's without sedation and scream during the procedure, "Give it to me doctor, harder, deeper, faster!" just to be funny.  Then I begin singing the song Moon River followed by Why Don't We Do it in the Road.

21.  At age 16 there were two traffic tickets in 3 months:  Illegal u-turn and 45 in a 25 mph zone.  At 16 the VW was rolled in the middle of a downtown intersection and at 17 the same VW (repaired) wrecked again by losing control and smashing into a concrete retaining wall. 

At the hospital:

CHP Officer to Bob:  Have you been drinking? 

Bob:  Nope. 

CHP Officer giving Bob the Evil Eye knowing he is soooo shitfaced:  Well, this one's on us and the next one is on you. 

Words I'll never forget.

22.   Because while walking on the beach it was always dragging in the sand there was penis reduction surgery to cure the problem.

23.  Bob loves to stretch the truth and tell little white lies ...and sleeps soundly every night.

24.  Pepperoni, tomatoes and anchovies are key ingredients to a scrumptious pizza.  Chicken does not belong on pizza.  Period.

25.  If you must shave, shaving while showering is the only way to go.

26.  Blue Saphire martini's . . . shaken, not stirred.

27.  First it was Olympia, then Coors, followed by Stroh's , Blatz, then Coors and now Budweiser.  I used to date, high school days, a girl whose dad owned a brewery.  Need I say more?

28.  A nice dry Zin.

29.  A waitress that doesn't greet you with, "Hi GUYS!  How are you guys doing?"...

30.  A retail employee who doesn't greet me with "Hey Dude". 

31.  Anyone who doesn't greet me with, "Sir, can I help you?"  Dude wins out over Sir over guys.

32. I smile when I get carded.

33.  There's a set of congas in my office.  Some men pass the time beating their meat....I beat the congas. 

34.  In grade school I waited to take a crap until I got home (yeah, TMI here).  This often caused constipation.  Back in the day mom thought it was a good idea to administer enema's when Bob got clogged up.  I often wonder if she was trying to help or if mom was one kinky bitch.

35.  At age five I fell (pushed by buddies) into a septic tank and nearly drown.....saved by the neighbor who had jumped the fence to pull me out.

36.  If there was an opportunity to do it all over again it would be a career in fashion design and manufacture or owning & operating one restaurant (probably more) specializing in good old home sytle comfort food at reasonable prices.

37.  Coffee is on and reading the morning paper by 5:30 a.m.

38.  At age 16 the mother of my steady girl friend taught the two of us the fine points of wine consumption.  She was a professor of English at San Francisco State, swung both ways, drove us to spend each fourth of July on a Native American reservation for night long chanting around the campfires and in a sweat lodge. 

One night was spent on the lawn of San Quentin prison protesting capital punishment.  Marlon Brando sat with us. 

The professor was one interesting lady who would get shitfaced and later in the evening would always put on Odetta records ending the evening singing the song, I Loves You Porgy (from Porgy and Bess) at the top of her lungs, tears running down her face.  The professor passed away a few years back and her daughter?  Three marriages and three live births later she came out of the closet now living happily with her very young female husband....or is it wife?

39. 3 years, 10 months, 22 days out of my life assigned to a Strategic Air Command B-52 bomber maintenance squadron.  Any regrets?  Nope.  I done did kind of half way grew up thanks to Uncle Sam.

40.   High school choice of dress:  Levis, button down shirt or a t-shirt, tan desert boots.  Today's choice of dresss:  Levis, button down shirt or a t-shirt, tan desert boots.  Only one company seems to make the desert boots I love...any English firm and they run $95.  Back in the day I think I paid about $20 for the same thing.

1 comment:

La Roo said...

Loved looking at your list. Wow you got into it.
I do have to say eeeeww for drinking buttermilk!
You've had and have an intersting life.

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Whiskeytown Lake, Very Northern California, United States