THEY HAVE HOOKERS DON'T THEY?



Wifey and I have been talking about do's and do nots during the solo to Vegas.



Me: I think they have hookers in Vegas. What should I do if one slides up to me and makes and offer I can't refuse.



Wifey: Refuse it or lose your balls, dick head.



I just love it when Wifey talks dirty to me.



Me: Well, I guess I could strike up a conversation with the hooker. It might go like this.



Me to Hooker: Do you like what you do?



Hooker: It pays the rent.



Me: Where do you like to do it?



Hooker: That would be in the butt, Bob.

BOB'S FLYING OFF TO?

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Wednesday.

Just Bob and a bankroll.

SNAKE EYES!

Baby needs a pair of new shoes!

Hot-cha-cha-cha!

FACEBOOK OR IS IT FISHBOWL?

I had a page on Facebook for about three days. Facebook a great place for people who want to renew acquaintances. Or to tell the world about themselves. Or to let everyone know what they're doing.

Facebook is more like a Fishbowl - - - your life is transparent for everyone to see. They should really change the name.

The "let everyone know what they're doing" when or before you do it part is what made me quit Facebook.

I wanted to makeup and write stupid things about what I was doing. So in the interest of not making Bob seem more mentally disturbed than he already is I quit Facebook. You see, not everyone understands or appreciates my kind of humor. That would also include Wifey.





I won't go into what I wanted to write on the "what are you doing" portion of Facebook. If you've followed this blog for a while you already know what would have been authored by Bob.

And another thing . . . I like to create. Part of being creative for me is to write. I've always been a writer albeit amateur, stupid, inappropriate, offensive, etc.

I started writing as a kid. One of my first endeavors as an author was to write 100 times on the blackboard, "I will not go into the girl's bathroom."

I got pretty good at writing things 100 times on the blackboard.

Later on I wrote for the high school newspaper. And in high school I had to write 100 times, "I will stay out of the girl's locker room." That was also worth a five day suspension from school all because my group of friends, knowing that I would do most anything, double dog dared me to run through the girl's locker room. And I did. Ah, those were the days (I think).....

Like I said, I can write anything 100 times with no sweat.

I just couldn't find a place in Facebook where I could write things 100 times. So I quit.

And I couldn't be happier.

1. I will never ever have a Facebook page.
2. I will never ever have a Facebook page.
3. I will never ever have a Facebook page.
4. . . . . . . .

CONSTIPATED

Constipated - Can't Pass a Thing

Never get behind a VW Bus

You're seen one or both of those bumper stickers. Driving up a steep hill behind a VW bus is torture. Your speed goes from 65 mph down to 40. On a two lane highway with double yellow lines you're stuck for the duration.

Wifey and I owned a VW bus much like the one you see on the left of the row of buses. After a year of ownership we sold our bus in favor of something else American.

We bought our bus from our good friends, Carol Ann and Alan. They were ready for something different and now that I think of it, we were ready to buy something different, too.

One summer Max and I drove the bus to Oregon to visit my parents. At the time they were working at Diamond Lake - -- a resort twenty minutes north of Crater Lake. During the visit we slept on the floor of the bus. While the bare floor of the bus was uncomfortable it beat sleeping in the travel trailer with mom and dad. Dad's snoring made for a sleepless night.

I had a VW bug in high school. Wrecked it twice. Damn thing just would not stay on the road. That's a story for another blog post.

Then there was the two VW bugs I owned during my stint in the military.

During college I bought a new VW squareback . . . the station wagon variety of VW's.

You can say I've owned more than my share of VW's.


Old VW buses are coming back. It's like a cult thing. Restored. Conversions to surfer-mobiles. Hot rods for the drag strip. Fruit juice mobiles like you see here at San Diego State. And mounted on the side of buildings like Fudpuckers.
I wouldn't mind owning another van like this one. Classic. Cool. Different.

Then I remember about those long, slow drives up steep hills with the pissed off drivers behind just begging me to pull over.

There's a price to pay for being cool.

Little Milton - My Dog and Me (1995)

LIFE CAN BE LIKE THIS





















The best laid plans of mice and men or so the saying goes, sometimes run amok. This bailout we keep reading about? Bailing out companies who thought long term debt would be okay and who paid their CEO's millions even while floundering in 2008. Bailing out homeowners who had no business buying a home in the first place.

For those make it a habit to put aside money regularly the economic turmoil means one thing: Interest rates on the money in our money market and savings accounts are like 2 or 3 percent.

100k in the bank will yield about 30 bucks a month if you're lucky. Trying borrowing 100k and see what the interest rates on that loan bring you: Like 8 - 12 percent depending on what's been borrowed on.

So basically, for those of us who thought ahead, who scrimped, saved and lived within our means are being punished by those who did none of those things except suck the system dry.

It feels that I have attached a long string to a tree trunk and that I'm trying to fly it like a kite:

I'm getting nowhere.

Can this country just hit bottom and get it over with? The sooner this happens the faster we'll all be on the road to recovery.

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED





















Friday we drove to Lake Tahoe to check out a sailboat. It was a window of opportunity that was in between storms. As it was some of the driving meant snow/ice covered highway.

This picture was taken about 45 minutes east of Cowtown. The dog and Wifey . . . they had to go.

As you can see here, Zeen loves to jump up and down. Wifey jumps up and down when she can't hold it any more.


We all know about yellow snow. So Wifey does her thing. Guess what? Wifey covers up her yellow snow. I couldn't help saying, "What the hell is that? Everybody loves yellow snow and you're covering yours up? That's so un-American. No body covers up yellow snow!"

To my delight, Zeenie didn't cover up her yellow snow.
We had parked right across from the trail to the Thousand Lakes Wilderness. Hiking to the lakes and counting each of them went on the bucket list of things to do.
The day after our trip our local newspaper reported that at this very spot, two hours after this picture was taken, a woman went off of the road and rolled her car.

The road was definitely slick. But how could does anyone roll a car on a straight stretch of open highway?

Maybe she was talking on her cell phone and breast feeding her kid. . . .

BOB'S LOVE SONG OF THE DAY

DEFINE MULTI-TASKING

Multi-tasking at its finest:

KETTERING, Ohio — Police in Ohio say a woman has been charged with child endangering after another motorist reported she was both breast-feeding a youngster and talking on a phone while driving.

Police in the Dayton suburb of Kettering say the caller told them he saw the woman Thursday.
Officer Michael Burke says authorities used a license plate number to track down 39-year-old Genine Compton.

He said the woman told officers she was breast-feeding and wouldn't let her child go hungry.
Burke said the legal concern is that Compton had a child in her lap while driving, not that she was breast-feeding in public.

He said the child was under 2 years old.

Police say the woman faces up to 180 days in jail and a $1,800 fine if convicted of the misdemeanor.

IMPATIENT IMPOTENT

Son Max doctored a picture I sent him of the sailboat we're considering to buy. You can see that he's made something out of Impatient. Max's idea would save a little money on lettering and be cause for snickering on the water from other sailors.

Snick. Snick. Or would that be SOL (snicker out loud)?

This kid is as warped as his father.

We're driving to Lake Tahoe tomorrow to see the Impatient Impotent (Now that has a ring to it).

Sunday we'll see a second boat in Sacramento. Both are close to new Catalina 250's with a wing keel.

The weather tomorrow in Tahoe should be like this, sunny and somewhat warm after a month long string of clouds and rain.

We'll give the boat a thorough check and then head back to Cowtown.
Catalina 250's are study boats, nearly impossible to sink or swamp and sail fairly decently.
Some 250's have wheel steering as you see here with the Impatient Impotent sailing on Lake Tahoe. I'd prefer tiller steering (rudder on a stick, if you will) but would consider this boat if it's in near perfect condition.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEORGE!

George Harrison would have been 66 today.

WHAT'S LACKING IS A BETTER IDEA

Ford has a better idea. Back in the day that was Ford's battle cry. For quite a while Ford has lacked a better idea and has landed in a stinky kettle of fish. GM and Chrysler have not done any better.

American cars used to be the dream of every man, woman and child around the world. Today everyone dreams about anything but having an American car in their life. WTF happened?

We all have our theories on the failure of each of the auto makers. But really what it boils down to is that the issues in Ford, GM and Chrysler is all leadership, piss poor leadership, money grubbing greed from the CEO on down in each of these corporations and the failure to compete in a world economy. Simply put, we've had our asses kicked in the car world by Korea, Germany and Japan.


In the sixties American cars were hot. Chrome. Metal Fins. Big engines. The stuff wet dreams are made of.
Today's Mustang still looks a lot like the car it was back in the 60's. Evolution goes slow and steady in Detroit. When we should have been mirroring what foreign auto makers were building Ford, GM and Chrysler sat on their thumbs.
The revamped 2009 Camero in a time when everyone should be buying fuel efficient or hybrid vehicles is certain to be a loser. The new Camero has gas guzzler plastered all over it.

It seems that the attitude of a lot of fellow countrymen is to let the Big Three fail and either cash in their chips, close the doors and fire all the help or file for bankruptcy. All of those solutions will cause ripples along the foundation of America which I believe will further devastate our economy.

Wifey and I hold a lot of stock in Ford and GM. We'd lose the sum total of our investment should Ford and GM go bankrupt or if they completely closed down. In the big picture that's a small price to pay compared to the thousands of workers who would lose their jobs. That's a small price to pay in terms of the losses of the other companies that Ford and GM owe money. And this is not even scratching the surface. Think about the impact on the economies of cities and businesses with in each of those cities when an automotive plant closes.

I don't think anyone has an easy solution to the problems America faces today. We only have rants about all of the bailouts and the corporate crooks who made off with all the money.

All this said, together we've made our bed. Now we have to lie in it.

THE WISDOM OF BOB

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

GLORY'S HOLE

Or is it Glory Hole? That's it. Whatever you call it, in Cowtown they call a hole in the ground that's used to empty a lake of excess water a Glory Hole. In other places this term has a very different meaning. Very.

Here we are on Saturday at Lake Cowtown. The Glory Hole is way above the level of the lake when it should be filling with water. That said, this lake has far more water than Shasta Lake (as proof of the difference check my 1/16/2009 post).


Saturday we had a surprise visit from two former students who had driven four hours north to see us and the kids. A visit to is part of Bob's tour package whenever we have out-of-town-visitors. I always have to show off our Glory Hole.

Here you see Rod on the left, daughter Dawn and Roland on the right. Rod and Roland are brothers. They were both great kids when they were in school. And now they're great grown-ups.

That's President Kennedy on the billboard behind them. The President dedicated Lake Cowtown just before he was assassinated. It's said that he kept Marilyn under wraps and sitting in the limo (or in the trunk) during the dedication.

Rod's first day of school in my class. He's all of six years old, maybe seven.

I take roll. I come to Rod's name who, on the roll sheet is listed as Roderick.

Me: Roderick?

Rod: Here.

Me: Being a Roderick isn't going to cut it in my class. From now on you're Rod.

Rod: (Gulp!). Oh, okay Mr. Bob.

Fortunately, even though this change of name still sticks in his mind, all of Rod's other memories of his time in my classroom were positive. He still remembers some of our art projects and how much fun we used to have every school day.

Teachers should be remembered by their students and not forgotten. After all, they are a large part of the foundation of our country.

And if you can read this, thank a teacher.

BOAT SHOPPING

Wifey, the dogs and I are driving four hours south this morning to check out this Catalina 250. By the pictures e-mailed by the owner she doesn't look half bad.

The price is right. Now the boat needs to be right, too. This is one of two boats we'll look at this week. The second is located at Lake Tahoe.

After we see this boat we'll shop at Trader Joe's and then head home. At the halfway point we'll eat at a favorite restaurant, Louis Cairo's.

They serve great Italian food and a special treat called Louis Bread.

Louis or Louie bread is french bread and described on the menu as having a clove of garlic in every bite. And it does.

Here's a copy of the portion of the menu listing Louis bread:


Garlic Bread
$3.95
Half Garlic
$2.50

Half Louis-fresh ground garlic
$3.50
Louie Bread-fresh ground garlic
$4.95

Butter Toast
$3.95
Half Butter Toast
$2.50

Half Louie and Half Garlic
$4.95

I'm not sure what I'm more excited about . . . checking out the sailboat or scarfing up on Louie bread and spaghetti and meatballs.

Breath mints anyone?

I JUST LOVE RED HAIRED LADIES!

Jakatta - American Dream (Afterlife Mix)

GONG SHOW REGULAR

Here's a Friday laugh from the Unknown Comic who was always on the GS. I dare you not to laugh. Double dog dare you!

WHY I'LL NEVER WATCH AMERICAN IDOL

American Idol in terms of REAL honest to goodness, Apple Pie in America entertainment - - - pales in comparison to the Gong Show. Crap! All they do is sing on Idol. On the Gong Show there was a little of everything. If you ever watched you know there was a bunch of laughs with every show.

Do you think Chuck Barris really worked for the CIA? Hmmm. That could explain a lot of what was on the Gong Show.

TEN MINUTES

Lake Cowtown is but a ten minute drive from the house. I did that yesterday to check the lake level knowing that 16 inches of rain had fallen there since the 21st of February.

You're seeing less than an eighth of the lake here. It stretches from the left and around a bend for miles.

Yesterday I also checked out the berth we've reserved for the sailboat. The gates into each of the three sets of docks are locked and only those with the combination can get inside.

No one was around any of the boats. It was quiet, peaceful and cold. Too cold to be out on the lake.

I spend about 10 minutes on the dock when I see a guy coming down the hill like he was on a mission. It had to be Dockmaster Bob and it was. Bob lives near the docks and takes on the duty of making certain that no one is on them unless they've rented a slip. I like guys whose first names are Bob. Makes it easy to remember who the hell I'm talking to.

We have a nice talk about boats with holding tanks that contain toilet waste (not allowed on the lake, says Bob) and porta-potty's which are also not allowed by the Forest Service. This sounds pretty stupid to me me since most of the boats on the lake no doubt have one of the other of the two. The marina doesn't have a pump to empty holding tanks. Bob also says that you'd better not be caught carrying a porta-potty on the dock or there's a fat fine in store.

I'm thinking this is literally a bunch of shit. I go home and check the regulations that I signed off on in leasing the slip. Nope, no mention of holding tanks or porta-potty restrictions.

Most Bob's are full of B.S. They make things up a lot of the time. Bob's eyes are brown because he is full of shit. It takes a Bob to know one.

I call the Forest Service. Voice mail, how I hate it. No return call in 24 hours from the person in charge of lake poop. What part of public servant don't public servants get anyway? Once I get this person on the phone and she (yes, she) cops an attitude about a boat with a toilet I'm going to say, "Lady, don't give me any shit." That would the appropriate thing to say given the topic, don't you think?

You're wondering what people do that get the urge to "duty" while boating. The Forest Service have installed six to eight little floating outhouses on the lake. You sail up, get off, do your duty and get back on the boat. That's fine for ski and paddle around boats. What about the rest of us with our own on board outhouses?

I'll figure something out.