HOME FOR A WEEK

Back home in Cow Town for Spring Break. It feels damn good to be home:

My own bed.

Water that looks and smells like water (Valley well water is yellow and smells like iron).

The wife's cooking.

Our dog Zoe to lick my face and remind me of how loved I am by at least one member of the family.

Temperatures 20 degrees warmer than the Valley.

Family.

Be it ever so humble (or decadent) there's no place like home.

The wife, Grace, Flirt the Pom, son Scott and daughter Dawn borrowed my truck a couple of weekends ago. They drove to Mt. Shasta and went sledding.

I stayed home, did chores, paid bills. Staying home after being in the Valley all week agrees with me.


Grace dug a hole in the snow and pretended she was going to sleep there all night.

The family will gather tomorrow for an Easter dinner at our house.

Ham.

Papa hamming it up.

Stupid Bob jokes.

One day they'll all miss what Bob brings to the table.

TMI #127: STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES

Why do I even entertain answering these questions?

Bored?

Nothing to do?

Take a run at the weekly TMI questions.

A herd of deer had gathered just over the fence of a local restaurant. They looked like a bunch of junk yard dogs to me.

1. In the midst of a hangover have you ever promised to "never drink again?" How long until you broke that vow? Yes. 10 minutes.

2. What is the stupidest thing you have ever done while drinking (or not if it is really stupid) but thought it seemed like a good idea at the time?

Jumped off of a cliff into poison oak.


3. On a scale of 1-10, where do you rate green beer?

Zero. Way over rated.


4. Have you ever kissed someone you shouldn't have (drunk or sober)?

I've kissed a few women that I had to be drunk to kiss. I've kissed a few women when I was sober and should have been drunk as a skunk.


5. What is the stupidest thing you have ever seen a drunk do (besides driving a car)?

Ever watch Jack Ass? The dudes have to be drunk or on something to do all those stupid things.


Bonus (as in optional): How do you cure your hangover(s)?

Hair of the dog. Tomato beer with hot sauce.

.

WE DONE GOT THE CRABS!

Saturday night was all you can eat crab night in Big Valley. And crabs, we got a bunch of them.

There were American flags at all of the tables just to remind us that we were in America, I guess.

Before plate upon plate of crab was served up there was salad, garlic bread and pasta.
This guy here was at the end of our table sitting with Dixie (who works for me) and her husband Denny. This guy has it down pat: Rest up and eat more crab. He's definitely catching a couple of winks.
So, daughter Dawn catches the idea from this guy and catches a few ZZZZ's on her own . . . resting up for the next platter of crab. She has to hang on to husband Keith so she won't fall over.
Caroline (who also works for me) and John were across from the wife and I.

Crab is okay. It's a lot of work just for a mouthful. Lots of cracking and digging - that's how crab comes out of the shell. I'd rather not work that hard for any meal.

The wife won 30 pounds of Buffalo meat. What else did you expect to be raffled off in the Valley?

Noelle (another employee sitting next to the wife) won $125 in another raffle. Dixie won a 40 buck gift certificate to a local restaurant.

Lady luck was riding on our table Saturday night.

Everyone's deserted me and left for Cow Town last night. It's a St. Paddy dinner alone tonight at the local hotel. Corned beef and cabbage beats the hell out of endless picking crab meat out of shells.

Bring on the green beer, the Bushmills and tomorrow's hangover. I'm ready!

BOOBCAT WITH A BOBCAT


This would be my boobcat, the love of my life, pictured with a bobcat.

We visited a store yesterday which is a combination grocery, antique shop, hunter's supply and restaurant. Interesting place. I go there two to three times a week.

They have stuffed animals hanging all over the place like this stuffed bobcat.

There are no boobcats that are stuffed and hanging on the wall. We'll leave that department to the Hooters chain of restaurants.


Keith and daughter Dawn posed in front of a once fierce bear.

Flirt is in the little bag that Dawn has under her arm.
Flirt pops out for a peek at the bear. After a quick look this little puppy popped back into the bag.
How'd you like to high five this dude? Imagine trekking through the forest, rounding a bend in the trail and meet this fellow nose to nose?

It would be HOLY MACARONI AND CHEESE TIME! and shout, "As one sheepherder said to the other sheep herder, LET'S GET THE FLOCK OUT OF HERE!"

You Put A Move On My Heart

Quincy Jones featuring Tamia - a slow dance for a slow Saturday night in the Valley. What an amazing voice Tamia has. .. .

If you're not dancing your way through life. . . . then get with it!

IT'S KEITH'S BIRTHDAY!

The kids came up to the Valley last night for a celebration - it's son-in-law Keith's birthday.

We wined.

We dined.

We had dessert and coffee.

We had a great time talking to Chef Paul and his wife Connie - owners of the restaurant. They spent quite a bit of time with us until their restaurant started to book.

And when it was all said and done - the dinner and wine downed - we drove 17 miles back to the Valley house.

Here's the wife and daughter Dawn.

As usual, I'm behind the camera.
Here's the birthday boy.

Today we'll tour the valley. Tonight there's a benefit dinner put on by the Lion's Club . . . all you can eat crab.

It's lonesome living alone in the Valley. Having family around this weekend definitely brightens up my mood.

TGIS!

TGIS? Thank goodness it's snowing!

That's right. I don't know about the thank goodness part but it's snowing in the Valley.

Just when we thought winter was over, long gone, Adios, Sayonara, Ciao, etc . . . here it comes again.

HOW I WANTED TO END MY DAY AT WORK

It was one screwed up day. I need to dump this job. Here's what I wanted to do to finish out this joh. Bob can do this part quite well.

MIGRATING SNOW GEESE

Throughout the year the Valley is host to a number of birds going north or going south.

If you're birds of a feather who flock together it is the time of the year to go north.

There are snow geese all over the place. There's bird shit all over the place, especially on the truck. That's an occupational hazard.


I stopped the other day to watch a flock of snow geese feed in a pasture. Believe it or not, this is one of the smaller groups of geese. Normally they completely blanket a field.
When I leave the Valley I'll take with me a lot of memories. Some I'll choose to forget. The others I'll cherish for life.

Sitting quietly and watching the habits of the snow geese are memories worth saving.

When The Wife Proposed To Me

And she did, the wife did propose to me. Actually, the wife said to shit or get off the pot. You know the ending to that story.

When she proposed, the wife sang this song. She wanted to know what kind of man I was . . . And you also know the answer to that question, too!

If you're not dancing through life then you are definitelty not living. Get with it!

THE CONNECTED HOME

Nearly a year ago:

Wife: Let's get the TV out of the family room. It's too noisy and too close to the kitchen. When I prepare food the television spoils my Zen.

Me: Okay.

Where the bookcase now stands is where the wide flat screen LCD HDTV used to be.

Six months later:

Wife: I'd like a TV on the wall. It would be nice to watch cooking shows while I prepare food in the kitchen.

Me: Okay.

So, there you have it - a wall mounted wide screen LCD HDTV - a February birthday gift to the wife complete with satellite and cable access. Spoiling the wife is something I do well.

The wife and I installed the television onto the wall ourselves once again proving that the sexes can work harmoniously side-by-side.

Happy Hump Day.

THANK YOU GEORGE BUSH!

George Bush, oilman turned president, this man is responsible for high oil prices.

This man is responsible for record profits in the oil industry.

This man responsible for everyone losing an arm and an leg with every fill up.

Never elect an oilman as president. This is what happens.

What you see here are fuel prices in Big Valley. And stupid Bob done filled up his diesel pickup with fuel in the Valley just the other day.

30 gallons at $4.07 a gallon.

$122 bucks.

You could feed a family of four on $122 bucks for maybe a week. Maybe more. I fill the tank at least once a week, sometimes twice.

I have no answers to this problem only questions.

JANUARY 11TH 2008

Two months ago we took a perfectly healthy dog to the Vet for a checkup.

Three days later we got a paw print of our deceased dog with our her name on it instead of the dog we dropped off.

Two months later there's no talking about it for me.

The wife talks about our girl Jill.

Me: "I can't talk about it." I walk out of the room.

Daughter Dawn, three days after Jilli dies, leaves pictures of her on m e-mail. Two months later I cannot bear to look at the pictures.

I am not nuts. I am grieving over the untimely death of my best friend.

Take my wealth. Take my left nut. But never take my dog. Never.

We have many good friends in Sebastopol. The wife and I have spent most of our life there.

Andy and Carol have to be the best. They knew our grief. They knew what Jilli was to the family. Their gift could not have been more generous.
Jilli was the best. I can't begin to tell about how special, how intelligent, how intuitive and how loved she was.

The wife and I have had many dogs. None match the quality of our Jilli. She was one in a million. Almost human.
How I long for one more run on the beach. One more game of ball. One more hide the bunny - you find it, Jill. One more "want treats?" to delight in her spinning around and around in joy, another ride in the truck, and so on . . . the list is endless. We did so much together.

We loved her so much. And Jill will be forever missed but never forgotten.

My grief for a dog lost is often overwhelming.

I want my girl back.

DO YOU THINK?

Do you think that the person who cleans your teeth (you do have your teeth cleaned, don't you?) mouths silents comments like these while she's working on you?

It has to take a special person to work in the dental field. They say a person's mouth is the filthiest part of the human anatomy. And then there's the people who "chew".

Eeew, gross!

I once saw a bumper stick that read, "Kissing a smoker is like licking out an ashtray."

Never smoked. Never chewed. And I never went with the girls that do!

DOWN IN THE VALLEY

I'm treated to this view every morning as I drive to work over the Big Mountain and down into Big Valley.

I'll betcha the view hasn't changed in 200 years. Or more.


What was it that Freud said about things longer than they are wide?

I love mushrooms albeit penis in shape.

These were in the Whole Food's store we visited a couple of weeks ago.

Me: Do you smell penis?

Wife: WHAT?!

Me: Check these babies out!
Can't resist posting yet another picture of Zoe and her "baby". You'd never guess that she'll be 77 dog years come May 20th. For an old fart she's doing pretty good.

Enjoy the weekend.

Oh, one more thing: For the past two days I've tried and tried to post You Tube videos here. No can do. What is that all about?

So, if you want a little dance music check out You Tube and dial in the Hombres and their song, Let it all hang out.

While dancing remember the words of Bob, "If you're not dancing your way through life then you're not living. Not!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPNeSLoVmCE

ZOE'S SAFE HAVEN

Zoe has this thing about being safe and being warm. She's taken to curling up with me while I sit in my favorite chair while I read or watch TV.

Sunday, she just had to lay under the wife's legs. Zoe just had to have her favorite toy along for the snooze.

Dogs pretty much have life figured out.

DEAR GRACE: I'M A FIGHTER JET PILOT !

Dear Gracie,

Last week I flew this jet. Me and my buddy Hacksaw flew all over the place. We bombed mountains. We shot up the ocean. We killed lots of fish.

I wish you could have been there. It was sooooo fun.

Grace, I am wearing the white helmet in the front seat. See me flying?

love,

Papa
Well, I am going to pull the grand daughter's leg and tell her I was a jet pilot last week.

This aircraft was on display in Screw Them Ville and I took these pictures during my visit there last week. Pretty cool.


There were two choppers on display, too. Most kids don't get the opportunity to view military aircraft up close. Especially this big kid.

I'm thinking that static display of military aircraft is a good thing.

Got Healing?

If you're not dancing your way through life you're in need of some healing. Turn this on. Turn it up. Float!

I like songs with only a couple of words. Those I can sing along to. HEAL!

BOBBY'S GOT BUTT!

I drove from the Valley to Cow Town late Friday evening, the Wrangler jeans, size 34x30 carefully packed in my overnight bag.

Once home I draped my Wrangler jeans over one of the chairs in the master bedroom.

Wife: Oh, new jeans? I love Wrangler jeans.

Me: I'll tell you later if I love Wrangler jeans.

Wife: Why later? Don't you like them now?

Me: I'm waiting to see if my butt likes Wrangler jeans before I pass judgement on them.

Wife: Is this another one of those weird Bob things you go through? And why is this about your butt?

Wife walks away muttering, "My mother told me that Bob would be like this before we got married and here we are . . . Weird is as Bob does. Mother, if you're hearing this from above, YOU WERE RIGHT!"

So, after three cups of coffee I felt the bravado to try on the two size down in the waist jeans.

BINGO! Well, hells bells, they fit and there's room to spare.

When I was a youngster I said to myself that I'd never ever look like an old man who had a pregnant belly. And I have not.

And here's the proof.

I love my Wranglers!